Page 11 of Infinite
“Aren’t you guys supposed to protect one another? Isn’t that the whole point of this company? You’re all former SEALs, and yet . . . what? How the hell is this okay? How are you guys trained to fucking fail?” I know I’m being a bitch, but it’s my life that’s being thrown around thanks to this.
“Ash,” Catherine says with a bit of disappointment.
I don’t care. She can be upset that I’m attacking her husband, but at least he’s standing in front of her. I’m dealing with all of this alone. “Do you know that the last thing I said to him was that there was something wrong with the baby? Can you imagine . . . if it was one of your wives...what knowing that would do to you? How would you feel knowing that you couldn’t get to her? Knowing there was something wrong but you were incapable of helping?”
Jackson moves to be next to Mark, and his gaze is no longer sad—it’s determined. “I would fight harder than ever, and that’s what we’re sure he’s doing. You might think that the time slipping away is a bad thing, but patience is something we practice. He’s not going to strike until it’s the right time.”
Mark nods. “He’s smart and has been trained to deal with situations like this. The reason we don’t fail is because we trust each other. There’s nothing to be gained by being hasty. If Quinn were dead, we’d know by now.”
What they say makes sense, and if I were a rational person, I might care. I’m not, though. My emotions are already stretched thin, and if they stretch any more, they’ll snap.
“None of it matters. You were supposed to watch over him. You were supposed to protect him.”
“They’re doing what they can,” Catherine tries again.
I glare at her. “You can say that while you’re sitting in the same room as your husband. You can act as though I’m being insane or whatever when the man you love is right here. I can’t, Cat. Okay? I can’t because he was working for your husband. He was following around your husband’s former in-laws, and now the man I love is gone. So, sure, I’m angry and crazy and irrational. Too fucking bad!”
Her eyes fill with tears. In all of our years of friendship, I don’t think I’ve ever snapped at her like that. Jackson moves toward her, but she puts her hand up. “I love you, and I know you’re in pain, but no one here is against you. We all want the same thing—him home and safe.”
I can’t take another minute of this. I’m sitting here, waiting for a smoke signal that isn’t in the sky.
Mark takes my hand in his. “You want to yell, Red? Yell at me. I’m the one who told him to do it. I made the decision, and if you think I’m not just as pissed off, you’re wrong. I’m raging just like you are, so go ahead and yell.”
I open my mouth to do just that because maybe I need to get it out. Anger I can handle. I welcome it as it pulses through my body. However, when I look at Mark, I can’t say anything. The words die on my lips as my eyes close.
I’ve never felt so out of control.
A heavy breath releases through my nose. “I’m going insane.”
“That’s what they want.” Jackson’s voice is tight. “They want division within the team so that we make a mistake, which is why we’re doing everything we can to avoid that. The person behind all of this is playing a game.”
“Then play a better one and win already,” I say and then struggle to my feet, pissed that I couldn’t make a dramatic exit.
* * *
I awaken from my nap, even more tired than before. I hate myself for snapping at Cat. I hate even more that she came and stayed beside me when she thought I was asleep. I was too upset to acknowledge her and pretended until I actually passed out.
It was cowardly, but each time I start to delude myself into thinking I’m okay, another thing crushes me.
No one came back in after she left, so I’m assuming there are no updates. All we have are leads that go nowhere.
Still, I’d like to hear it from someone.
When I roll over, I see the pile of clothes on the floor, and my heart breaks. I stare at Quinn’s shirt, untouched from the day when everything changed.
I know that in the right pants pocket is a ring box. If I were to open it, I’d find a beautiful, sparkly, diamond that I was excited about finding. Only a few days ago, my world seemed to glimmer with the possibilities that were to come.
Instead of life handing me beauty and hope, it gave me the middle finger and laughed as I fell toward hell.
Carefully, I get out of bed and make my way to the pile. I slink down to the floor, taking the shirt in my hands. I bring it to my nose, inhaling slowly and deeply. My eyes close as the cologne that clings to the fabric fills my nose. If only I could wrap my arms around him so I could touch his skin. The way the warmth of his body allows me to feel alive. I would trail my nose down the column of his throat where his musky scent is strongest. My heart swells in hope that I can have that again.
I would hold him so tight, beg for his forgiveness, promise him that I’ll do anything if he doesn’t leave me after I tell him all we’ve lost.
He’s all that matters to me.
“Come back to me, Quinn,” I say with tears falling so hard that I’m sure there will be a puddle around me. I lay down, cocooning myself around his things. “Please come back. Please fight and live. Please don’t leave me. I lost the one thing that was binding us, and I need you to stay with me.” My chest aches as I rasp the words into his shirt. “Please don’t stop loving me. Just don’t be dead . . . and we’ll . . . we’ll find a way.”
While everyone else thinks he’s simply missing, I can sense the loss of him completely. The fear that we will never find him is so real that it’s hard to breathe. I don’t know how much longer I can hold it in. They think that if he were gone, they would know it, but how could they be so sure?
