Page 89 of Hold You Close
Ian delivers the final blow to my heart, leaving it decimated.
Twenty-One
Ian
I finally get Ruby to bed. She didn’t take London’s big news all that well. In fact, she hasn’t cried this hard since she moved in with me. She kept asking over and over, “Why can’t Aunt London live here? Why does she have to leave?”
Because life is full of fucked-up moments where it takes every opportunity to kick you in the nuts and watch you fall to the floor.
Because she deserves more, kid. That’s why. She deserves everything I can’t give her. Her dreams were always bigger than me and I’m the fucking idiot who thought maybe I could be a part of them.
“Uncle Ian?” Chris knocks on my door.
“Yeah?” I reply tersely.
I’m really not in the mood for parenting right now. I’m trying to keep my emotions under control, but I’m on the edge. I’m angry at the world, but these kids shouldn’t have to see me fall apart.
He hesitates, but then steps in. “I have something for you,” he says with a hint of shame in his voice. “I should’ve given it to you when I found it, but . . .”
“What is it?”
“A note.”
My chest tightens because from the look on his face, I know it’s from my sister.
“Bring it here,” I tell him.
Chris walks closer, extends his hand, and gives me the envelope. When I look at the handwriting, my heart instantly sinks. My sister always wrote with these obnoxious swirls and shit. It looks like the same envelopes the lawyer handed out after reading the will. Somehow this one hadn’t made it into the file with the others.
“I found it in a box we kept of Mom’s. It was in a packet and . . . I didn’t read it,” he says quickly. “I just couldn’t give it to you because I wasn’t sure if I should.”
“It’s okay, dude. I’m pretty sure your mother wanted me to read this at my lowest point.” I manage a laugh.
Sabrina couldn’t have planned this any better. My nephew held this until now? Why? Because my sister is up in heaven, pulling her strings like always.
I swear, one day she’ll stop meddling in my life. Although, I kind of hope she never does.
“You okay?” he asks.
“No.” I’m not going to lie to him.
“Aunt London?”
Smart kid. “Yeah.”
“I figured,” he shrugs. “She couldn’t stop crying when she told us. I wanted to ask her to stay, but I think she wants this job.”
God, it’s like he’s inside my head. “Sometimes, Christopher, you have to let go of what you want more than anything because it’s the right thing to do.”
He nods as though he’s got a clue what I’m saying. “So you gave her up because you love her?”
Okay, maybe he does know what I’m saying. “I don’t love her.” So much for the no lying. “No, I do love her, but that doesn’t mean I’m good for her.”
I love her more than anything, I’m just not going to be the reason she gives things up. I want to be the one that brings things to her life.
“That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said,” Chris stands up and looks at me with disgust.
“Umm . . . wanna try that again?”
