Page 81 of Hold You Close
I don’t want to walk away from him and the kids. I don’t want to know what it’s like to live without him again. We didn’t work out before, and maybe that was a good thing because it led us to this place. Now I’m going to have to choose to leave it or walk away from everything I’ve worked for.
“She’s fine, Ian, but we need to talk.”
“Okay. Are you angry?”
“No, no, there’s just something I need to tell you about.”
I take his hand and lead him into the living room. We don’t say anything as we make our way there. First, it’s late and all the kids are in bed. Second, each moment I don’t say anything is one more I can hold onto.
“What’s going on?”
We sit down, and I close my eyes, trying to decide what I’m going to do. This decision will dictate the rest of my life. It affects four other people, though. I have to tell him and see where we go.
Maybe Ian will be great. Maybe we’ll talk this through and figure out a plan that works for us. I could be blowing this all up in my head.
Wouldn’t be the first time.
We’re both grown-ups and this isn’t the end. I know deep in my heart he loves me.
After a few seconds, Ian clears his throat. “Lon, you’re scaring me.”
I shake my head, bringing my eyes to meet his worried blue ones. “Don’t be scared. I’m just in my head, but I want to talk to you.”
“Okay?”
“I’m being crazy and I don’t know why.” I let out a nervous giggle.
“I don’t either.”
The butterflies in my stomach won’t settle and I’m starting to feel clammy. “I got a promotion,” I blurt out.
Ian’s face lights up with pride. “That’s great! You’ve worked your ass off for that company.”
I nod. “Yeah, I have, for a long time.”
“I’m glad they see how amazing you are. Not that I know what the fuck you do there,” he says, chuckling.
“I’m an analyst,” I say for the millionth time.
“Okay, and what would you be now?”
“Well, they want to make me the CFO.”
“Holy shit, London. When would you start the new position?”
If it were up to Casey, I’d be on a plane tomorrow. “It’s a great opportunity, it really is, but I’m just not sure I’m going to take it.”
“Not take it?” Ian’s eyes fill with confusion.
“There would be a lot of changes to our lives.”
Ian wraps me in his arms, and I want to cry. All of this elation is great, but there’s more. “We’ll figure it out. I think the five of us have adapted well and we just shuffle things around.” He kisses me and then pulls back. “I’m proud of you. I know you had a shitty day a few weeks ago because they said you weren’t pulling your weight, but look at you now.”
“Ian,” I sigh. God, he’s going to hate me.
He pulls back and then his eyes narrow. “Why aren’t you happy about this?”
I take his hands in mine and nerves hit me like never before. “The job is in New Jersey.”
