Page 73 of Hold You Close
“Good. I’ve always thought you had a good head on your shoulders. You’re not like a lot of women.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I explode.
“Calm down. It was a compliment.”
“Jesus Christ, Casey.” Although, it’s not like I’m surprised. The corporate world is full of men—even well-meaning men—who make clueless, insulting comments like that all the time.
“All it means is that your priorities have always been lined up the right way to advance your career.”
I cock my head. “Lined up the right way? Like a man’s, you mean?”
“Exactly,” he says, not catching my drift at all. “Most women wouldn’t work as hard as you have to get ahead because they’re more focused on getting married and having a family. You’ve moved up this far because you’ve never given any indication that work didn’t come first for you. It’s very professional.”
I don’t know whether to thank him or kick him in the balls under the table. What he’s saying about women in general makes me angry—a woman shouldn’t be held back just because she wants a family—but what he’s saying about me in particular is true. I have put work first. I have focused on advancing my career. I am professional.
But at what cost?
I think about my nights with Ian, my mornings and evenings with the kids. I’ve never had that. I didn’t even have brothers and sisters of my own. My mother was a showgirl who ran off with some tourist when I was four. I was raised by my dad, who was quite a bit older than my mom and much more introverted. Our house was quiet and organized, and I spent a lot of time alone there because he worked such long hours. I loved being at Sabrina’s, because her mother was always there, fussing over her children, homemade cookies were always in the jar, and Ian was always around to tease us. Being at his house in the mornings reminds me of those days.
“Look,” Casey goes on. “All I’m saying is that it would be good to keep your head in the game. It might take some sacrifice, but the potential payoff is big. You don’t want to fuck up this opportunity, not after you’ve come this far, do you?”
“No,” I say. “I don’t.”
“Good. Because there are others I could recommend for the job, London. You’re not the only qualified candidate. There’s Martin, and—”
“I get it,” I say through clenched teeth.
“Good. Then let’s go over those reforms once more. Pay attention this time.”
We finish up the meeting and I’m successful at focusing on the data for a couple hours. By the time we wrap up, it’s after five o’clock. “Casey,” I ask as we shut down our laptops and rise to our feet. “I’m curious why you decided not to apply for that CFO position yourself if the potential payoff is so big.”
He shrugs as he pushes open the conference room door. “I’m in my fifties. I’m too old and set in my ways to relocate. And my wife would kill me if I said we had to move.”
I stop and stare at him. “Move?”
He’s still holding the door for me and looks impatient. “Yes. To Atlantic City. That’s where the job is. Are you going to spend the evening in the conference room or are you coming out?”
I move forward and the door swings shut behind me “Would the move be mandatory?”
Casey gives me a strange look. “Of course it would. That’s where Corporate is. You can’t be a CFO from a remote location.”
“Right.” My stomach is balling up.
“Would the move be a problem for you?” He’s looking at me curiously. “I assumed you’d be up for it. It’s not like you’re married or have a family to consider. Was I wrong?”
“No,” I say quickly, unwilling to blow my chances even though the thought of moving across the country has me reeling. “Not necessarily. I’m just . . . surprised.”
“Good. I’ll let you know what I hear.” With a brisk nod, he heads for his office and I walk on rubbery legs toward mine. Once inside, I close the door and lean back against it.
Atlantic City. It fucking figures.
I tell myself not to panic—I haven’t even been offered the promotion yet.
But the conversation with my boss has left me anxious and confused. I finish up a few things at my desk and leave work with tension heavy on my shoulders. Since graduating from college, I’ve been on one path, because I’ve had one overarching goal: become CFO of a big company in the hospitality industry. I knew it would be an uphill battle as a woman, but I’m smart, driven, and armed with degrees from prestigious schools. I never doubted I could get there, and I never let anything get in my way, least of all my personal life.
Wait, what personal life?
I frown as I pull out of the parking lot. Sabrina used to poke and prod at me all the time.When’s the last time you went on a date? You’re never going to meet someone if you don’t put yourself out there. It’s been five/ten/fifteen years, London. Ian’s moved on—it’s time for you to do the same.
