Page 88 of Hold You Close
I clear my throat. “Morgan asked me to stop over, and we just had a long talk. I figure since I’m here, I should talk to Chris and Ruby about me leaving for New Jersey.”
Ian rubs the back of his neck. “Right. Well . . . do you think that’s a good idea? They’ve had a lot of upheaval, I don’t want to add to it. No need to stress them out about something they have a while to get used to.”
If only that were true.
And does he really expect me to just pack my shit and go? To not even talk to Christopher and Ruby? I’m not an asshole like him. I want what’s best for those kids. Being mean, saying awful shit, and making them feel unloved isn’t my style. “I think it’s necessary to do now. It’s happening and I think preparing them would be the better idea.”
Ian nods. “Fine, but can it wait a few days or weeks? You can tell them once it’s closer.”
“No, Ian, it can’t. My flight is tomorrow morning.”
“Tomorrow morning?” he shouts. “Well, you didn’t waste any time getting the hell out of here.”
I’m not going to explain myself to him. He’s the one that said I didn’t matter. He doesn’t get to act wounded now.
“Yes. Seven AM.”
He huffs. “So fuck me and the kids, huh? Just like that? No time, no warning?”
“Excuse me?” Does he not recall telling me to go?
“I guess we’ll just have to figure out schedules and everything in a day since you couldn’t even give us a little courtesy.” Ian’s voice is filled with anger.
“Well, my company wanted me out there fast, so this is what I had to do.” I cross my arms over my chest, needing to shield myself from the coming fight. “I didn’t think you’d give a shit based on how our last talk went.”
He throws his hands up in the air. “We’ve been doing this co-parenting thing for months, but I guess once you got what you wanted, you just take off without looking back. Nice. Real nice for the kids you claim you love so much.”
Unreal. He is absolutely unreal. As if any of this is my choice.
“What I wanted?” I snort. “You think I want this? You selfish prick! This isn’t easy for me!” I step closer, remembering all three kids are home and they don’t need to overhear us. “I love you. I love you so much I would’ve given everything up for you, but you . . . you didn’t want me. So, yeah, I’m leaving tomorrow because I can’t handle being here. I can’t look at your back door and not burst into tears.”
“Spare me the dramatics.”
“You are such a fucking asshole! I don’t know how I thought you were ever the Ian of two days ago. You should’ve gone into acting because you really sold the show.”
He laughs. “Whatever you need to tell yourself.”
“What was the airport then? Huh? Or what about the boating? Or when you made me feel loved? What about all the time we just spent on the couch, cuddled up, being together? Was it all just some cosmic joke for you? Some way to get back at me for something?” I fire off questions at him in rapid speed.
I hate how he can manage to make it seem as though I’m the crazy one. I didn’t do a complete one-eighty here. He did. I’m the same person I’ve always been. Our relationship was supposed to be different this time, but as soon as he heard something he didn’t like, Ian went right back to the man I always knew.
“No, Lon, the joke is all on me.”
“I guess I’m just the punch line?”
Ian takes a step back. I see something in his eyes, but it’s gone before I can think more on it. “It’s none of my business what you do anymore. I’ll get a nanny or something.”
And there I have my answers. Nothing I said matters. He’s made his feelings perfectly clear. I’m nothing to him other than a babysitter. He’s worried about his precious club and job, not the pain he just put me through—again.
I waited my entire life to feel the way I did when I was with him. I never married or had anyone serious because no one could measure up to Ian. Then, I finally have this chance with him. He forces my defenses to lower, gives me hope, and ends up destroying me.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Loving Ian was never really a choice, though. He’s always been the guy for me. I just wish my heart knew he was the wrong one.
“I should talk to the kids now so I can get back and finish packing,” I say to him, hoping he’ll say something to stop me.
“Yeah, I guess you should. You and I are over, might as well make it known.”
