Page 4 of Hold You Close
This is the real thing.
The party begins at six,and Ian still hasn’t shown up. Mrs. Chase keeps asking Sabrina where he is because he’s not answering his phone, but neither she nor I have any idea. By seven I start to worry he might be avoiding me. By eight, I’m convinced of it.
“Stop worrying,” Sabrina tells me. We’re in her bedroom sharing a strawberry wine cooler we snuck upstairs. She takes a sip and hands it to me. “He’ll be here eventually.”
“I just have a bad feeling.” I take a few swallows of the sweet fizzy drink.
“Why? He said all the right things, didn’t he?”
“Yes,” I admit.
“Then I’m sure he’s just being his usual clueless self. I love my brother and all, but he rarely thinks about anyone’s feelings besides his own. He probably has no idea he’s making you worry.”
“Maybe you’re right.” I force a smile, take another sip, and hand the bottle back to her. “Sorry. I’m being stupid. Let’s finish this and go back to your party.”
By the time the bottle is empty, I’ve got a happy little buzz going and I feel much better. But as soon as we come out of the house, I nearly throw up. Because that’s when I see him kissing another girl in the backyard.
I can’t breathe. My stomach churns. My clothes feel too tight.
Sabrina grabs my hand. “Hey. Let’s go back inside.”
I shake her off. “No.”
“Lon, come on. He’s just a jerk, okay? Let’s go sneak another wine cooler.”
How could he?
I don’t understand. He lied to me. He said he loved me and now he’s touching another girl? After everything we had last night and this morning? I want to scream. Cry. Throw something.
But instead of any of those things, I march over to where he’s standing with a pretty blonde wearing tiny denim shorts and a red bikini top. She fills it out in a way I never could.
I feel like pushing her into the pool. Him, too.
“Ian, can I talk to you for a minute?” I’m surprised at how calm I sound. Inside, I’m falling apart.
He looks at me with zero emotion on his face. Like last night didn’t even happen. “Oh, hey London. This is Heidi. She goes to UNLV with me.”
Heidi gives me a bored look. “Hi.”
Ignoring her, I skewer Ian with my eyes. “You brought a date?”
He shrugs heartlessly. “I guess you could call it that.”
My heart is racing, and I think I might pass out. I’ve never felt this before. Is it normal for your chest to physically ache? Because each breath I take hurts.
“Wait a minute.” I hold up my hands, my eyes filling with tears. “What is this? I thought you meant what you said last night. And this morning.”
Heidi giggles, which makes me want to throat punch her, and I’m not even sure what throat punching is. “God, Ian, what did you say to this poor girl?”
Ian looks me right in the eye and breaks my heart in three words. “It was nothing.”
All at once it’s clear I’ve been a total idiot. How could I have thought he was really interested in me? I’m a pathetic little kid with a crush. He doesn’t love me. I gave him exactly what he wanted, and now I’m worthless.
I hate him. I hate myself for believing him and thinking I should throw my life away.
“Fuck you,” I whisper. Then I turn around and run, vowing I will never, ever let anyone hurt me this way again.
Especially him.
