Page 97 of One Last Time
“I took a lie detector test, and since I was telling the truth, they said I was free to go, but that I had to stay in town in case they had more questions. They interviewed family and friends, but people knew I was madly in love with her. I was never charged with anything especially once the coroner’s report stated there was no foul play and police officially ruled it as an accident. But my life was . . . awful after her death. Tanya’s family blamed me at first, refusing to let me anywhere near the funeral. If I closed my eyes, I saw her falling, our fingers touching, and then her slippingaway.”
“Why did they blame you?” Iask.
“She was their only child, and whether it was my fault or not, I was there when it happened. I felt like I lost a family when I lost her. Her father was the closest thing I had to one, and he cut meout.”
My lip trembles. “I’m sosorry.”
As a mother, I can’t imagine the grief they felt, still feel. Aubrey and Finn are my world, and if I lost them like that . . . I’d never get over it. There’s no moving on because you no longer have a heart. A parent should never have to bury their child, it isn’t meant to happen thatway.
I close my eyes and see a young Noah begging for their forgiveness, but the maternal part of me knows she’ll never fully be ableto.
“I wanted my friends to believe me, which many did, but some accused me of actually shoving her off the ledge, instead of her falling. I wanted to die alongsideher.”
When he says that last part, my chest tightens. If our roles were reversed, I’d feel the same. People make their decisions on what the truth is without knowing the facts. I see it all the time, and it’s sad. We hear one version, taking it as gospel, and never actually listen to anything else. Noah had to walk around with people thinking he was a killer because they only had half the facts. I can’t imagine the agony he wasin.
“I’m glad you didn’t, Noah. I don’t want to think of a world without you init.”
Noah’s lips turn up just a little. “I don’t want any secrets between us. I wanted to tell you before, but it’s not something I’ve ever shared because there was no one worth sharing itwith.”
I hold his wrists, needing to keep myself connected to him. “Thank you for trustingme.”
He stares at me with so much intensity that my stomach clenches. “You don’t think differently of me? You don’t see me as some bad guynow?”
Why would he ever think that? He’s the complete opposite of a bad guy. He’s a guy who went through a badsituation.
“God, no.” I shake my head. “You’ve been honest with me. You were a kid, and if you’d done something wrong, then you’d be in jail, Noah. It was a horrible accident, and I’m just so sorry you had to go through all ofthat.”
He’s still as he looks for something in my eyes. “I love you, Kristin. I love you, and I know it’s too soon, but it’s how I feel. I don’t need you tosay—”
“I love you, too.” The words come out without a thought. I opened my mouth to say something else, and I couldn’t stop myself. I lovehim.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Noah
Kristin nuzzlesherself closer to me. My fingers continue to rub up and down against her spine as I lie here, trying to figure out what I’m going to do about oursituation.
I’m in love withher.
She’s in love withme.
And we have every obstacle in our way between her dick of an ex, my job, her life here, and whatever the media could spin about ourrelationship.
The only thing I know is my life will include her. There’s not any otheroption.
“Hey.” Her voice is low andsleepy.
“Go back to sleep,sweetheart.”
She fell asleep about an hour ago, but I’ve been staring at the ceiling. My mind has been going in circles, working out how I feel. Talking about Tanya isn’t something I do, but I knew it was time to tell Kristin aboutit.
“I need you to stay a little longer,” she tells me through ayawn.
I need a lot of things, but we both know I can’t be here in the morning. “Just close your eyes,” I encourageher.
She listens as if she really didn’t have a choice. We’re both spent. Between the day she had and then my unloading all my fucked-up baggage, I don’t know how I’m awake. After twenty years of trying to forget the way her eyes looked, how she screamed my name as she fell, and the way it was to hold her as I searched for help, I’m not sure sleep is ever comingagain.
I talked to my mother two days ago about whether I should tell Kristin. She was the one to tell me I had to and I needed to do it before either of us fell anydeeper.
