Page 4 of One Last Time
It’s really over. My husband and I aredivorcing.
I clutch the pillow and bury my face, trying to muffle the sounds of my uncontrollable crying. I never knew a heart could hurt so much, but I’m in agony. I love him, but it’s over. We couldn’t make things work, and I’ve failed. I gasp for breath as the tears soak mypillow.
“Kristin?” His deep voice fills theroom.
“Please don’t,” I plead. I don’t want him to see me thisway.
Scott moves forward anyway and then crouches beside me. Even in the dark, I see the pain in his eyes. “Don’t cry,baby.”
That breaks me. I cry harder than before, and he pulls me into his arms. He holds me to his chest, and I struggle to gain control. There’s just no stopping the tears. I cry for the years we had, the years we’ve lost, and the years we’ll never have. I would’ve stayed if he told me he wanted to try. I know it’s stupid, but giving up on him feels likedefeat.
After a while, I start to relax. My heart still aches, but I’m not sobbing. Scott rubs my back, and I sniffle. “I’ll beokay.”
He leans back and cups my face. “Are yousure?”
“I’m justsad.”
“I’m not happy about this, either,Kris.”
That’s the worst part, we both love each other, but we can’t fix what’s broken. “Iknow.”
His forehead rests on mine, and we both sit here. Scott’s thumb moves across my cheek as he tilts my head up. “I loved you, Kristin.” His voice is husky. “You were the most beautiful woman in theworld.”
My heart races as something shifts between us. “Scott,” I whisper. I’m not sure if I’m asking him to stop or to keep going. How do you stop loving someone? How do you push away the only man you’ve everloved?
He’s still myhusband.
The air in the room is charged as we breathe each other in. Scott’s other hand glides to my neck before sliding down my chest. My body tingles as he grazes mybreast.
“Tell me to stop, and I will,” he murmurs against my lips. “One more time, Kris. I need this. I need to feelyou.”
Confliction stirs, but I’m so raw I can’t say the words no matter how much I want to. I’ve been lonely, and I want to be loved foronce.
Just as our lips brush, Scott plunges forward. He guides me to my back as I welcome his weight above me. His mouth melts against mine, and I kiss him like none of the events of the day happened. He moans into my mouth while I cling to him. I need him to make me feelalive.
It’s been so long. Too long to count since we’ve made love. How many nights did I pray he’d come to me, love me, but hehadn’t.
My hands tangle in his dark brown hair, holding his lips to mine. I force myself to pretend we’re still madly in love and life isperfect.
But we aren’tperfect.
This is a fantasy that will end in tragedy if I get lost in theillusion.
Those four words ring in my head, reminding me why I was crying to beginwith.
I can’t do this tomyself.
One more time won’t do anything to stop what’s coming. He doesn’t love meanymore.
I disappointhim.
I failhim.
I’m not goodenough.
“I can’t,” I say as I push his shoulders. “I can’t do this,Scott.”
He rolls off me and onto his back and covers his face. “Youcan’t?”
