Page 3 of One Last Time
I don’t want to lose my husband, but I won’t be this womananymore.
I take a step back, wipe the moisture from my cheek, and nod. “I hoped . . .” I’m not sure what I hoped for. Maybe it was for him to love me enough, but he neverdid.
His brown eyes pierce through me. “I’m tired of being miserable andneglected.”
Hurt and anger flood through me. He’s such an asshole. He thinkshe’sneglected? Unreal. I erect the walls around my battered heart so nothing else he’ll say will hurt me. “Okay then. I’m sorry you feel that way. Where do we go from here?” I ask matter-of-factly.
“I want adivorce.”
Fourwords.
Four words are all it takes to destroy my seemingly perfectlife.
“And what do we tell the kids?” I choke on the words. Scott may be a shitty husband, but he’s always been a greatfather.
This is what hurts deeper than anything he’s done to me. The fact that we’ll disrupt our children’s lives with this is almost more than I cantake.
Those two little angels are what have kept us trying this long. Finn and Aubrey don’t deserve the home they’re living in now, though. The constant fighting, the angry words, finding their father on the couch night after night. It isn’t healthy or fair toanyone.
Aubrey is who I worry about. She adores her father, and this will destroy her. Every little girl’s first love is her father, and I hate that she’ll know what it’s like to lose him in a smallway.
Scott grips the back of his neck and drops his head. “I don’tknow.”
When his eyes lift, I see the glimmering of unshed tears. A tiny glimpse of the man I once knew returns. I know he’s in there, and I wish he’d come back. I take a step forward. My heart is pulled in so many different directions. Wanting to save him, wanting to love him, and wanting toleave.
Then I remember that he’s done. He’s said the words that he can’t ever take back. In all the years we’ve been battling this, we’ve never said the d-word. I thought if one of us ever did that I would fall to pieces. In my head, the scene was of me crying and begging him to love me, him assuring me that he did, and then we’d find a way. I hadn’t realized that even in the sadness, there would be a swell of relief. I’ve been in purgatory for so long. I’m ready to live my lifeagain.
“Well.” I suck in a breath. “I think the first thing we do is decide who leaves, and then we should make a plan to talk to thekids.”
Scott and I sit at the table, and for the first time all night, we act like adults. There’s no screaming or name-calling. We work to create a list of things that need to be handled and who will tackle each task. We don’t have much debt, which is thanks to the inheritance my grandfather left me, so that is handled quickly. We both agree to tell the kids together and try to keep things civil. The last two items are the ones that will be where, hopefully, this whole grown-up act doesn’t fallapart.
The house and thekids.
He’s going to have to kill me before he gets the kids. I won’t give themup.
“We’ve put these off, but we should make the choices,” Scott says with his handsclasped.
“The house.” I place the pen on thetable.
This is the one I’m willing to concede if I have to. I can live with my parents or ask my best friend, Heather, to stay at her place since it’s empty. There are options for me, but I can’t live without mybabies.
“I’d like to stay here. You can’t pay the mortgage, and I can’t afford rent and the mortgage,” Scottrequests.
“What about the kids?” I switch because, really, that’s all thatmatters.
He sighs. “I won’t do that toyou.”
“You won’twhat?”
I pray he’s telling me he won’t try to take them. They’re all Ihave.
He runs his fingers through his hair. “As much as I want them, I can’t do it. I travel too much, and we both know Finn will never leave you. However, I want them on weekends and stuff like that. I love them,too.”
“Thank you,” I say withgratitude.
We both agree that he’ll remain in the house, but we’ll split some of the furniture to keep the kids as comfortable as possible. I’m not sure how this will work, but at least we’re in agreement for the mostpart.
I climb into bed and the cold sheets cause me to shiver. My hand slides across to where my husband should be, but it’s empty. Scott won’t be there anymore. The events of the day come crashing aroundme.
