Page 31 of We Own Tonight
When my sister dies, it’s going to kill me. I’ll have no family left, and I can’t waste any of the little time I have with her. It’s the truth I can’t bring myself tosay.
I sure as hell can’t chase the idea of a guy who can essentially wreck my world. It’s stupid, and I won’t make mistakes like that. Not when my sister needs me. Eli is always photographed traveling, partying, and eating at all these expensive restaurants where I couldn’t even afford asalad.
“Jesus, have you and Steph been swappingnotes?”
“No, but if she’s saying anything like I am, she’s freakingright.”
“You know why I’m this way.” I wipe the bead that trickles down mycheek.
“I do.” Nicole takes my hand in hers. “I’m not trying to hurt you, but I can’t watch you like this anymore. Your sister doesn’t want you to keep going this way and neither would your parents. It’s okay to take chances and get hurt. It’s okay to have regrets and triumphs, but it isn’t okay to just . . .be.”
“And what if he’s likeMatt?”
She smiles. “Then you dump his stupid ass and I’ll feed you ice cream andwine.”
I groan and drop my head against the back of the couch. “I hate when you makesense.”
Nicole laughs. “I bet. It doesn’t happen too often, so don’tworry.”
“I miss when all we worried about was if we’d go to prom with ourboyfriends.”
“I always knew that I wouldn’t. Boys are dumb. I was much happier going stag and hanging out with you, Kristin, andDanni.”
Crap. We’re going to have to tell them about this. I’ve avoided their calls because I’m the world’s worst liar. They will see right through whatever crap I try to sell them. “I have to tell them, don’tI?”
“Nah, I’ll tell them we couldn’t meet him.” I let my head fall to the side so I can look at her, and then I pull her against me for a hug. “Keep this to yourself for a while. You need to decide without anyone’sinfluence.”
“So, what you’re saying is that I should just listen toyou?”
“Precisely.”
I laugh silently and let that go. My mind wanders to last night. I can’t help thinking about how normal Eli seemed. He wasn’t pretentious, he ate pizza from the box while we lounged on my ratty, old couch. There were no demands. It was only the two of us. It was comfortableeven.
Just like the first time we were around eachother.
Maybe I am being crazy and overthinking this. There’s something about him that I can’t stop thinking about. His smile causes butterflies in my stomach. His laugh is music that speaks to my heart. And even though I’ve spent all day trying to convince myself that he’s the last thing I even want to think about, he’s what I’ve spent all day talkingabout.
I’mscrewed.
“What if he never comes back?” I askNicole.
“Then he’s a complete idiot. You’re worthchasing.”
People can say what they want about Nicole, but she’s the best person I know. Sure, she drives me nuts, but I love her. She’s been there for me every step of the way, and I couldn’t imagine my life withouther.
Ipassthrough the metal gates of the only place I feel close to my parents. Once I park, I grab the bouquet of flowers and head to their graves. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, but I haven’t really had a reason to come talk tothem.
If I’m completely honest, I’ve been angry for a longtime.
Navigating the paths isn’t difficult, and soon, I crouch in front of my parents’ final resting places. “Hi, Mom and Dad.” I start to pull overgrown weeds and wipe away some of the dirt. My fingers trace the cool stone, and I close my eyes, allowing sadness and the smell of fresh cut grass to fill mybody.
“I know I haven’t been here in a while, I’m sorry.” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “It’s sometimes hard to get here, especiallylately.”
After passing out on Nicole’s couch, I woke this morning and drove here. There’s a lot I need to say, and sometimes a girl just needs hermother.
This is one of thosetimes.
“There’s so much that’s happened since I last visited. Matt and I are divorced now, but that’s kind of old news. Let’s see, I’m still partnered with Brody, he’s annoying as all hell, but I can’t imagine working beside anyone else. Stephanie is living in Breezy Beaches full time. It’s hard not having her with me, but it got to be too much. Everything is a mess, Mom. I did something stupid, and now I don’t know what todo.”
