Page 28 of We Own Tonight
“Don’t be, he wasn’t a role model anyway.” He waves away my condolences and says, “So, tell me, Heather . . . who areyou?”
“I’m justme.”
There’s no way I’m going to divulge my deepest secrets. Eli will walk out this door tonight and never be back, which is exactly what I should want. Right? So, why don’t I spill all the dirt? For all I know, I’m just some conquest to him. The girl who walked away from a man that girls flock to. It’s what Nicole refers to as the rejection reaction. If I had stayed and pined for him, he would’ve brushed me off into the pile of other nameless, faceless girls he’s sleptwith.
Eli removes his keys and wallet from his back pocket, tossing them on thetable.
Sure, make yourself comfortable.I guess he plans onstaying.
“I’m serious. I want to know more about you,” he pushes formore.
“Why?” I ask with frustration. “You and I both know how thisgoes.”
He grips the back of his neck and lets out a heavy sigh. “How isthat?”
“You’re going to go back to your lavish life, and I’ll be here . . .” I gesture around theroom.
“Maybe that’s exactly what will happen, but only because you’re so hell bent on pushing me out thatdoor.”
He isn’t wrong, but that still stings a little. “I’m protectingmyself.”
Eli seems to recover and grabs another slice of pizza. “It’s fine, you’re going to have to try a lot harder. I’m basically a cop,too.”
I laugh and roll my eyes. “We’ve already established that you’re just a cop on television. Real police work isn’t anything likethat.”
“So, you watch my show?” He says it so casually, so coolly, that if I weren’t an actual cop, I would have missed his real reaction. He’s practically preening inside over that littletidbit.
“I’ve seen it once because nothing else was on.” I’m so full of shit. I watch his stupid show every week. At first, it was because I wanted to see how much they butchered the real way police are, but then I was hooked. Watching him is my guilty pleasure. After five seasons, I can admit that I’m officiallyaddicted.
He’ll never know that,though.
No way will I give him one more thing to try to use againstme.
“Well, my partner, Tina, is a lot likeyou.”
“Isshe?”
She is so not like me. Tina is a hard ass who wants nothing to do with men, and her husband left her for anotherwoman.
I want a man, I don’t want another guy who will cut tail and run because life isn’t perfect. And Matt left because he’s adick.
“Yeah, she lives alone and pushes any guyaway.”
Screw him. He doesn’tknowme. So what if I’m alone and I don’t want to get involved with a guy whose life is the polar opposite of mine? I’m thirty-eight years old; I don’t have to play by his rules orbeliefs.
“I’m not pushing you away; I’m just living inreality.”
Eli leans forward, and I force myself not to retreat. “The only reality is the one wemake.”
My reality isn’t movie stars and playing a cop on television. I’m an actual cop. I deal with all kinds of shit, and there’s no one to yell cut when it gets too intense. There are real bullets flying, people dying in car wrecks, immense amounts of paperwork, and shit pay. Keeping myself guarded isn’t a choice, it’s anecessity.
“Maybe in your world, but in the real world, we have crap to dealwith.”
Eli drops the slice and huffs. “I live in the real world too youknow.”
“Well, since we’re friends and all, tell me about it.” I toss the ball back in his proverbialcorner.
I’m fully aware I’m coming off like a bitch. However, there’s a reason I ran away after we had sex. I’m terrified of anything new. Things in my life disappear or fall apart, trying to start anything with someone else, isn’t in my plans. I can’t lose anythingelse.
