Page 73 of We Own Tonight
“Nic—” I choke her name out, and she reaches for me. The minute she touches me, I break. The tears I cried before seem small incomparison.
The pain is back with a vengeance. Nicole rocks me back and forth, and I hold on to her for dear life. “Oh, honey. It’s okay, let it out,” she encourages. “Just let itout.”
There’s a connection between two people who understand each other. That’s Nicole and me. We don’t have to speak to know what the other needs. Sometimes, it’s just falling apart in the comfort of your best friend’sarms.
Nicole leans back when I quiet down. “Better?”
“No. I don’t know that there is abetter.”
She wipes her own tears and nods. “It’s going to hurt, but you’re strong, Heather. Stephanie loved you so much, knowthat.”
“She kept it from me.” All the emotions of the night continue to assault me. My sister knowing that she was going to die and that she was sick. The fact that she hid her condition so we could have the day at Busch Gardens. “All at her own expense. If she were alive, I’d beat her for it. She should’ve stayed in bed, got better sothat. . .”
“So she could just get worse again?” Nicole challenges. She loved my sister as if she were her own. Stephanie was always around when we were young, wanting to be exactly like us. I can remember finding Stephanie trying on my clothes and talking to her “best friend Nicole.” It was annoying back then, if only I had the gift of foresight. “Is that what you’d really want forher?”
My gut reaction is to yell:Yes!
I open my mouth, but Nicole glares at me, daring me to say it. “I . . . I don’tknow.”
I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I wish I could crawl inside myself and disappear. Living hurts too damnmuch.
“I know you, and you didn’t want that. I can’t imagine how you’d feel if this was months of her inagony.”
Sure, I guess there’s some comfort in that, but not much. The last seven years of Stephanie’s life were a series of ups and downs. We struggled with everything, and she suffered through it all. I watched her life start to fade the day we got herdiagnosis.
My eyes move to the doorway where Eli leans against the frame. In his hand is a glass of water and a plate of food. He hesitates before moving forward. I gaze at him, tears welling in myeyes.
“You’ve been sleeping for a while.” His deep voice is filled with emotion. “I thought you shouldeat.”
My lip trembles, thinking of how happy I was before I got the call. We were together, loving each other while my sister took her last breath. I wish I could go back in time. I would’ve gone to see her after the barbeque, but I was so wrapped up inhim.
My heart aches thinking about the minutes wasted because I didn’t answer the phone. The what-ifs are tearing meapart.
Nicole touches my arm. “Eli called as soon as you got back. I came right over, but you’ve been sleeping for about fifteenhours.”
“I’mtired.”
Eli and Nicole share a look, and she gives me a squeeze. “I’m sure. You need to eat, though. Do you want me to call Matt and tell him you’ll be out for a fewdays?”
“Tell him I don’t know when I’ll beback.”
Right now, I can’t deal with anything. The idea of riding in a squad car and talking to people is toomuch.
“I’ll tell him a week, and then you’ll handle what comes after that.” Her tone is firm, and I know what she’s trying to do. The same thing I would do if she were givingup.
I’dpush.
But you can’t push someone out of a hole. You have to hope they’ll claw their way up enough for you to help them. There is no strength left in my hands to help me move rightnow.
“Do you need me to stay?” she asksEli.
“No, I’ll take care ofher.”
I glare at both of them as they talk about me as if I’m not here. All I need is to go back to sleep and wake up when this isn’t myreality.
Nicole kisses my forehead, and then they both leave the room. I grab my phone, scrolling through the texts and missedcalls.
Danielle: I love you. I’m here if you needme.
