Page 20 of We Own Tonight
My hands start to sweat and regret washes through me. I didn’t want to tell anyone this. And my big mouth told Brody. Yes, he sort of figured it out on his own, but still. Now, the last person I want to tell is mysister.
I don’t know why, but I feel like an irresponsible adult who did something completely out of character. Letting her see that makes me want to crawl in ahole.
“Heather!” Stephanie shifts quickly. “Why the hell didn’t you tellme?”
“There’s nothing to tell. You need to focus on you and notme.”
“What?” She looks affronted. “What does thatmean?”
I walk toward her. “It’s nothing that I want to talkabout.”
“But you’ll tellBrody?”
Iwasenjoying her goodmood.
“Because Brody is nosey and figured it out. You don’t need to know about thesethings.”
Her face morphs from annoyed to pissed off. “You’re not my mom, Heather. You’re my sister. You act like I’m some kid. I’m twenty-six, and I’m so tired of you treating me likethis.”
This the part of our relationship I absolutely hate. Stephanie doesn’t get that, while she’s technically an adult, she’s still a kid to me. I’m twelve years older than she is and practically raised her because she was a minor when our parents died. Iwasn’t.
After that, we no longer had the relationship where she would try on my clothes and we’d spend hours watching movies. It became about homework, bills, laundry, and making sure she wasn’t cutting class. I don’t resent it. I would do it all over again. But it didn’t mean I liked the way it changed the dichotomy of ourrelationship.
“I know I’m not Mom. Believe me, Iknow.”
She’s used every opportunity to wield that sword at me, and it cuts deep each time, leaving wounds that aren’tsuperficial.
“Then stop treating me like your kid and treat me like your sister. I don’t know how much time I have left, and I would like to have our relationship bedifferent.”
Tears fill my vision as she brings forth the truth of what time we have. Brody clears his throat and touches Steph’s arm. “I’m going to grab some coffee. See you later,Squirt.”
She fumes at his nickname and turns her headaway.
I take Stephanie’s hand in mine. “I’m sorry you feel thatway.”
“I ruin everything!” She bursts out and pulls her hand free from my grasp so she can cover herface.
“Why would you saythat?”
“Because! I do!” Steph turns a little and a tear falls. “I know I’m the reason Mattleft.”
“Steph—”
“No, I know.” She wipes the tear away and draws a long breath. “I hate that my illness brought you pain. You didn’t needthat.”
My heart pounds in my chest, and I’m doing my best to stay strong. The fact that she thinks she’s responsible for Matt’s crappy decision is unreal. It isn’t her fault he wasn’t man enough—it’shis.
I open my mouth to dispute her, but she puts her hand to mylips.
“I’m not done. It’s been hard watching you scrimp and save because I can’t work. There’s nothing you wouldn’t and don’t do for me, and I love you so much. However, it doesn’t mean you can’t live, Heather. Jesus, live because I can’t.” Stephanie’s voice is strangled on her last word. The tears I was trying to keep at bay fall. I pull my baby sister into my arms and hold her to my chest. “I can’t live, but you can . . . and you should,” she says as both of us fall apart alittle.
I grasp her face and pull her so we’re eye to eye. “You’re living now,Steph.”
“This isn’t living. This is waiting todie.”
The words I want to say all feel wrong. She has every right to be angry, sad, and anything else she grapples with. Her life was stripped from her in a way that took our world and knocked it over. There was no warning or planning for thisdisease.
Instead of demeaning her feelings, I hug her tighter and let hercry.
