Page 89 of Say I'm Yours
I turn and head through the door to where he’s waiting.
Each step I take, I feel the despair growing. I’m not sure what I’ll say. I don’t know if I’ll tell him I know, but I know I need to see him.
I pause when I get to the door. This is where I stood when I heard their discussion and everything changed. Once again, I’m going to have a life altering conversation.
I close my eyes, release a deep breath, and step through the door.
When I see him lying there, I fall apart.
Everything inside me splinters, and my chest aches.
My father opens his eyes and attempts to smile. “Son.” His voice is raspy and weak.
This isn’t the same man I saw yesterday. It’s hard to believe how pale and fragile he looks. “Dad.”
He takes a haggard breath and raises his hand. I move over to the bed and take his hand in mine. “You left?” he asks.
I’ve never been one to lie to my father. “I heard something I didn’t want to know.” I give him half the answer.
Dad nods and covers my hand with his other. His eyes fill with tears, and his lip quivers. “I figured it out this mornin’.” He coughs and then clears his throat. “You overheard what was said in my room about you not being my son.”
He’s always seen too much.
“I did.”
“I need you to know somethin’,” he says quickly. “Youaremy son. You’ve always been my son. I’ve never loved you any differently.”
Tears fill my vision as they stream down his face. “Pop.”
“No. I need to say it. I’ve thought about this moment your whole life, and I need to get it out.”
I don’t interrupt him again. The strongest man I know falls apart as he tells me answers to the questions I’ve grappled with the last day. “Your biological father got your mama pregnant when she was sixteen. I knew him, always thought he was bad news, but she loved him for whatever reason. He was mean, and I told her to leave him several times. She was young and thought she could love him through it, but when he found out she was pregnant, he lost it. He accused her of cheatin’ on him and then beat her. He left her bleedin’ in an alley, and I was the one who found her. I lifted her in my arms and rushed to get her help. I stayed with her in the hospital when they weren’t sure if you or her were gonna make it.”
Pop stops talking for a minute as he recalls some far off memory. I can’t imagine what he saw. My mother is the kindest person, and for any man to put his hands on her makes me want to scream and murder someone. Then to find out it was my own father, I can’t put into words the hatred I’m feeling.
“I’d always had feelings for her. I think I fell in love with her almost instantly. She would pass me in the hallway and smile, and it would make my heart stop. She was so strong and sure that you’d make it through, though. After about a month, I knew I couldn’t live without her. I asked her to marry me, because I knew if I didn’t, she might realize I wasn’t worth the trouble. I told her we’d raise you and build a family. We worried he’d come back, but I swore I’d protect her. I would never let him touch her or you. We got married right away, with her bein’ pregnant, it was what would be done immediately anyway. And we started preparin’ forourbaby. I knew you’d be my child in every way that mattered. The day you were born, I signed the birth certificate, we were already married, so no one questioned it, and then you were mine, Trent. From that day forward, you were my son, and I was your father.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. In the beginning, it was fear that if he found out you’d survived, he’d try to take you, but we’ve never seen him since. After a while, it was selfish on some level. I needed you to always be my son in every way. I never wanted you to look for him. I never wanted you to ask about him. More than that, I was afraid if you knew, I’d lose you, son.”
I shake my head as my own tears make it hard to see. “You never would’ve.”
“Look at what happened when you heard,” he reminds me. “You took off.”
“I took off because you lied to me,” I explain. “It was like someone told me the sky wasn’t blue. I never questioned you being my father.”
“You’re my son, Trent. You’re my first son no matter what a blood test says. I need you to always know that. I need you to know I never loved you any differently. Not one minute.”
I can’t hold back. I tried as much as I could, but this is quite possibly my last conversation with my father. And it’s him trying to comfort me. My emotions overwhelm me, and I let out a strangled sob. “You can’t die now. Not today. Not ever.”
My head falls, and his hand moves to the top of my head. “You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. One day you’ll see it. You’ve been a fighter since before you were born. Nothin’ came easy for you, but you have to open your eyes and let yourself be happy. Marry that girl, start a family, and live your life. It goes fast.” I look at him, and he smiles with tear-filled eyes. “You have been my greatest gift. I didn’t create you, but I got to keep you.”
Chapter 22
Grace
The last fourdays have been devastating. We stay at the hospital all day and most of the night. The doctor attempted another blood transfusion, but Rhett hasn’t gotten any better. It’s the pneumonia that will take his life.
