Page 33 of Say I'm Yours
I push him off and groan. “You had to know I didn’t actually want you to come over!”
Trent flops back on the bed with his arm behind his head. I sit, taking the sheet with me to cover myself. It isn’t as if he hasn’t seen it before, but still. His bare chest is now on display, and I fight myself to look away. He lies there as if he belongs here. I don’t know when he arrived or how he found his way into my bed. Honestly, I don’t remember much about last night.
I think I sat on the couch and then . . .
His knowing grin surges my anger and I snap.
“Trent, this ain’t funny!” My head starts to pound as I press my palm to my temple. “How did we end up in bed?”
He gets on his elbows and inches closer. “When you didn’t answer the door, I used my key. Then—”
“I’m going to need that back.” I cut him off.
“Whatever. You were passed out on the couch. I carried you in here.”
“And that was your invitation to stay?”
He shakes his head and releases a heavy sigh. “You seriously don’t remember?”
If I did, I wouldn’t be asking him. “Clearly not.”
Trent takes my hand in his. “You woke up when I laid you in bed. I didn’t want to stay, Gracie. I didn’t want to do this.” His eyes hold mine captive for a beat. “I wanted to leave because being here fucks me up more than you know.”
My breath hitches. “I don’t . . .”
“No, you don’t understand. You don’t care that I’m goin’ crazy without you, but I am. Then, to see you out with another man ’bout killed me.”
“Trent.” I squeeze his hand, but he doesn’t stop.
“You called, and I came with no questions. Because I’ll always be here for you. I’ll come anytime you need me. I was tuckin’ you in and your blue eyes opened. You begged me to stay. Your voice was sad, and I couldn’t leave you. You told me you needed me here, that youwantedme to hold you, so I did. I’ll do it over and over if you ask because I can’t walk away from you. It’s why we always find our way back here. No matter how much you think we don’t work, we do. We’re right for each other, and you fucking know it. Instead of seein’ what we are and what we have, you’re dating another man in my damn face!”
I pull my hands from his, feeling a myriad of emotions. The strongest being guilt. I’m doing the same thing he did to me for years. I’m on the edge of letting go, but can’t fully. I thought I had at the wedding, but obviously, I keep hanging on.
Not fully committing to breaking a habit will end in failure, which is exactly what keeps happening.
I called him. When I was alone and without any prompting, I did this. He’s the crutch I can’t let go of because I’m afraid to fall.
It isn’t fair to either of us. I’m hurting him, and it’s selfish.
“I won’t call you again,” I vow. “I won’t do this to you.”
He looks at the ceiling and throws the covers off. Trent hops out of the bed and grabs his jeans. “You know, I thought—” He huffs. “I thought that maybe you’d see it. See what is right in front of your face. But I guess I was wrong.” Trent pulls his pants up as I sit here, more confused than ever. Stunned. “You’ve known me a long time. Have I ever been with another woman?”
Shame creeps into my stomach and I drop my eyes to my hands. “No.”
“No,” Trent repeats. “Not one other woman has been in my heart or my bed. It’s only ever been you.”
I lift my eyes as his words sink in. He doesn’t get it. It isn’t about another man. It’s about love. He doesn’t love me. He won’t say it or show it. He’ll never marry me or build a family with me. Hell, he won’t even move in because that’s too much of a commitment. I don’t want that kind of life.
“Yet, you won’t love me!” I yell as he throws his shirt on. “Don’t act like I’m doing some awful thing by tryin’ to move on with my life. I won’t live in your purgatory, Trent! I deserve a love like my parents have. I want you to come home to me, love me, build a life with me. You want a part-time lover and it ain’t me anymore.”
He walks over and bends so we’re nose to nose. “What if that’s all changed? What if I see that’s not the life I want anymore?”
My heart sputters. “Why? What changed? No, you know what? Stop. You can’t play games with me like this. I won’t let you keep stringin’ me along.”
He climbs onto the bed, forcing me to lie back as he settles on top of me. “Everything changed, Grace. The minute you walked away from me at that wedding, it was like my life clicked.”
“Stop,” I beg with tears in my eyes.
