Page 75 of Say I'm Yours
My mother falls in the chair and begins to cry. Instantly, my brothers and I move to her side.
Her red-rimmed eyes look at each of us, and my heart breaks. It’s happening so fast. Maybe my father was right to deny treatment. He’s barely able to stay awake or eat, and it’s been wearing on my mother.
We’re back in the hospital after his blood work came back with his red blood cell count lower than when he collapsed. It feels like the chemo accelerated his body’s breakdown.
“Do whatever you can. Just give us more time with him.” Defeat is clear in Mama’s voice. Something I don’t think I’ve ever heard from her. She’s a fighter, but she’s trying to fight a battle she never had a chance of winning. Cancer is robbing her of everything she loves.
Dr. Halpern clears his throat. “Our blood banks are a little low.”
Wyatt steps next to me and huffs. “What do you need?”
Dr. Halpern writes something on the chart he’s holding. “We’d like to have a good match donate blood since your father will be needing more frequent blood transfusions. Are you all willing to be tested? Most of the time we can find a match in the family.”
“Of course,” my brothers and I all agree.
I enter the waiting room where Grace, Presley, and Angie are waiting. I don’t know if I could’ve made it this last month without Grace. She’s been at my side each time I’ve needed her.
“How’s he doin’?” Presley asks.
Zach shakes his head.
Wyatt explains what the doctor said, and we head to the lab before breaking off into separate rooms.
Grace holds my hand, offering me her support as I wrap my mind around the last few hours. I can’t accept defeat. There has to be a way to get him through this.
The nurse comes around and describes the process. “The doctor explained about the increased need for blood?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Most of the time, there’s a good match in the family and we could store blood exclusively for your father. We’re rushing the results so we should know in a few hours.”
“I understand.”
After they get the vial done she asks us to stay close for the results in case one of us is a match. I ask a few more questions, and I pray I can be the one to help my father. I need todosomething, and if giving blood will get him there, I’ll give every ounce I have.
“How’s the baby doin’?” Grace asks Angie, breaking the silence as we all sit and wait.
“Good.” She rubs her stomach. “I’m so glad we’re over all the puking and what not. This baby decided to make good on everything that satanic pregnancy book warned about.”
“Especially the mood swings,” Wyatt pipes in.
Angie silences him with a death stare, which makes everyone around them laugh. I love my sisters-in-law. Both of my brothers found women I enjoy being around. I nestle Grace into my side and kiss the top of her head. I was hoping my father’s health would stay stable.
For the last two weeks, I’ve been planning a big trip for us. She’s always talked about wanting to go to the beach. Mama has a friend whose daughter lives in Virginia Beach. Natalie’s husband, Liam, is a Navy SEAL and she’s visiting her family for a month while he’s deployed. She offered us their house instead of staying in some hotel. I haven’t seen Lee since she was eight. She and Wyatt used to be close when they were kids, but then they moved out of town and we lost touch. However, I’m not sure if we’ll get out there next week if Dad keeps getting worse.
“Take a walk with me?” I ask, needing to get out of this waiting room. She nods and we start down the hall. “I hate it here.”
“I don’t think anyone likes hospitals.” Grace holds on to my bicep as we walk. “Your dad is okay, though. He’ll get the blood, and then you guys can figure out a plan. I know it seems like it’s a lot, but I know if any family can find a way, it’s yours.”
“And then what?” I ask. “He goes through another round of chemo and we maybe get another month with him?”
“I know it’s not ideal, but you have to have faith.”
For the first time since all this came crashing down, I understand why he chose to not tell us. There’s no guarantees and what if all of this was for nothing? What if all that fighting only causes him to miss out on living his life because he’s too sick to leave the hospital. If he didn’t agree to fight it, he could’ve spent time with his kids and wife.
I think about the calls that I didn’t answer or when he asked me to go fishing and I blew him off. I’m so fucking mad at myself. I should’ve been there checking on him. He’s my dad and I can’t help but think about the wasted time I can’t get back.
We sit on the bench outside the entrance. I feel helpless, and that isn’t something I’m used to. “If we lose him . . .”
