Page 31 of Say I'm Yours
“No, but I don’t know how to live in a world without her.”
Losing Grace and knowing she was through with me was agonizing.
She has the purest heart, and I know she doesn’t want to hurt anyone. I get that her not wanting to be strung along anymore has forced her to push me away. But at the same time, I don’t think she will ever be done. Grace wouldn’t have kissed me like that. She wouldn’t tell me she loves me or be so worried about this. She needs to see that I won’t ever be that man again, and she’ll come back to me.
Cooper points his finger at my chest, and I see the determination in his eyes. Cooper is going to fight. “Better get used to it, my friend. I’m not givin’ up. You had your chance, now it’s mine.”
“We’re not friends,” I say simply.
Needing to calm myself, I put the car in drive and focus on not causing bodily harm. When I decided to start this conversation, my intention was to let Cooper know how this would be going down, but now the part of me that’s his friend, isn’t sure he sees the writing on the wall. He can fight for her, but he’ll lose.
I pull into his driveway on a cloud of dust and brake lights. “She won’t ever love you, Coop.” My words fall from my mouth as he opens his door. “I’m not tryin’ to be a dick, but I know her. She’s tryin’ to be strong and push me away, but you don’t know what we had, either.” I think about how when she’s happy, it can brighten the room. How her eyes would go soft right before her lips would touch mine. Grace has been hurt, but Cooper isn’t the man who will fix her. “And you can try to give her what you think she wants, but at the end of the day, it’ll be me she sees when she closes her eyes. So, enjoy what little time you’ve got now, because it won’t last.”
He doesn’t bother responding before he slams the door shut. There’s nothing either of us can say that will change anything. The person I need to convince is her, and that’s what I intend to do.
Chapter 8
Grace
I’m dreaming. I know this because everything feels like it’s on the edge of reality, but I refuse to open my eyes. I drank two entire bottles of wine when I got home from my disastrous date. I’m a lightweight by nature, but I let the adult grape juice flow without a care in the world.
There’s something to be said about the freedom from thought. After bottle number one, I didn’t give a shit about anything. My date may have gone from awkward to absolutely comical, but I survived and even agreed to try again.
As I was on the last “glass,” which by then I was drinking straight from the bottle, I felt euphoric. I was wearing my pajamas and dancing myself senseless to angry white girl music.
Men. They ruin everything.
However, this hazy state of sleep is perfect. I plan to savor every second of it.
Right now, I’m dreaming I’m in Trent’s arms.
I curl my body deeper into his warmth and inhale. I even got the scent right. My face glides against the pillow, as I imagine the feel of his skin. My arm tightens a little bit so I can hold on as long as I can.
“I wish it was always like this,” I mumble against his body. “I wish you loved me. I wish you would come back to me the way we used to be.”
“I never left.” His deep sleepy voice rumbles through my head.
I keep myself in my happy place and relish this moment. I spent a long time waking up like this. Having him hold me, keep me safe, and make me feel like I’m everything to him. It’s this moment I cling to. Because each day that started this way was perfect. He was just Trent. No walls, no weird commitment issues, he was open, happy, and full of love. I never had to question him in the morning.
It was as the day went on when things would change.
“You always leave,” I remind him. I figure I might as well lay it all out there since this isn’t real. “You take your love away and it hurts.”
His arm squeezes me as he says all the things I want to hear. “It’s never gone, sweetheart. I just don’t want to hurt you. If I push you away, it’s because I’m protectin’ you. I’m not going to do that anymore, though.”
I love dreamy Trent. He’s sweet and is currently batting a thousand on the perfect scale.
I sigh and sink deeper. “I’m gonna hate opening my eyes.”
“Why’s that?” I feel his mirth flow through me.
“Because.”
“That’s not an answer, sweetheart.”
Trent hates one-word answers. Apparently, even dreamy Trent has the same issues. I don’t know how to answer him, though. Because when I wake, this will all be gone. I’ll be alone and even more confused. My heart will be torn between this possibility that my mind allows me to have and the reality of the man who doesn’t actually love me. He doesn’t push me away because he’s protecting me, he pushes me away to protect himself.
Even knowing this isn’t real, I don’t want to say it. The words are only thoughts, and they’re mine. Admitting them aloud makes them impossible to take back. And if dreamy Trent leaves because I say something that hurts him, I’ll lose all that I have.
