Page 94 of Say You Want Me
She’s right. He has no intention of going away. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” I turn and lean against the wall.
Erin shakes her head. “I won’t tell you what to do, but I will say that I’ve never seen a guy give up his whole life for a girl he only liked.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “I know that. I can’t let go of some of the things he said.”
“Well, I don’t know all the details, but he clearly loves you. I can only imagine how badly you both were struggling in the face of unimaginable grief. I’m not saying that gives him a free pass, but maybe a little forgiveness?”
“You don’t even know him!” I say with exasperation.
Sure he’s here and clearly being sweet, and I’m not too foolish to see that. However, that doesn’t erase the way he made me feel. Then again, he was struggling, and not just with our relationship. He was getting hit from every angle.
“I don’t have to know him to see how much he loves you.”
“Shut up.” I grin at her.
“How long do you plan to make him suffer?”
“I think he can wait it out a bit more.”
She nods. “Definitely make him feel the pain for a bit longer, just don’t let it go on too long or one of your employees will scoop him up and ride off on that horse of his into the sunset.”
Yeah, that’s definitely not going to happen.
They continue to talk and my phone rings. “Hey, Mrs. Kannan.”
“Hi, sugar. I hope I’m not bothering you.”
I walk away from the window and head toward the back of the store. “Of course not. How are you?”
“Oh, I’m just fine. I got that fancy coffee maker and I can’t figure out how to turn the dang thing on! It’s got so many buttons and different spouts. What ever happened to a good ole cup of Folgers?”
I can’t stop the smile that forms. I can picture her tossing her hands in the air as she walks around. I miss her something fierce. I miss them all.
“I’m sure it came with a manual.”
“Sugar, that book was a hundred pages long. I’ll be dead before I figure out how to actually make a mocha whatever it is you call it.”
“Macchiato.”
“Whatever,” she says with exasperation, and I giggle.
“Don’t you laugh at me now. I’m going to need you to get your tiny butt back here and teach me how to use this contraption.”
“I wish it were that simple.” It could be, but I feel as if I’d be giving in too easily. I have no doubt that she knows he’s here. If his mother knows, she knows. And my intuition tells me there’s more to this phone call than the machine, but I can’t be sure.
Mrs. Kannan is known for her interfering. If I let my guard drop even a millimeter, she’ll pounce.
A long pause goes by before she says anything. “I’ve been around a long time, honey. Long enough to know when two people are bein’ just plain stupid. Forgiving someone isn’t a surrender, it’s a gift. One that not only saves the other person, but also yourself. I could sit here and lead you around in circles.” She sighs. “But I won’t this time. Not for something so important. Wyatt screwed up. Lord knows that. He knows that more than anyone. I don’t know that I have ever seen him as devastated as I did the day you left.”
“Mrs.—” I start.
“Listen, darlin’. I’ve been married a long time, and more than once, one of us was ready to walk out that door. It was a choice to forgive the other person for whatever hurtful things we said or did. I could’ve left him. Hell, I probably should’ve.” She laughs. “I just know that no matter how bleak a situation looks, it doesn’t mean that y’all can’t find your way back to each other.”
“And what if we’re too lost? What if I’m too scared and hurt to trust him again?”
“We’re not perfect people, honey. We’re human and we make mistakes. He’s owning that right now. He’s showing you who he is and what’s in his heart.”
I thought I knew what was in his heart. I thought it was me. Then our life went down a very different path, and we ended up with a fissure dividing the road with him on one side and me on the other. Grief drove us apart. It didn’t have to, though. We each made choices that brought us to this juncture.
