Page 77 of Say You Want Me
We buried Faith Emma Hennington under a big oak tree on the Hennington farm. She overlooks a beautiful hill with a small pond. It’s peaceful here, and I find some tiny amount of solace that she’s surrounded by beauty.
“Okay, sugar. I’ll stop by tomorrow with some food.” She crouches next to me. “I love her, too.” My eyes snap up. “There is nothing in this world like a mother’s love. Not a single man can ever understand the depths of that. I know you’re in pain. I’ve never lost a child, but just imagining it—”
Macie Hennington is the most caring woman I’ve ever known. Everyone here today is feeling some level of sadness. They fought to get me out of that car, they cried when they found out we’d lost Faith, and they’ve been at the hospital day in and day out.
This little family is struggling right now.
“I never imagined it would hurt this much,” I admit.
She cups my chin. “The minute you accepted that you were going to carry that baby was the minute she owned your heart. You grieve, Angie. You feel what you need to feel, but let us be here.” Macie kisses my cheek and wipes her own tear.
Presley curls up next to me as the three brothers stand in a circle off to the side. After a while, I lie on her lap, and her fingers brush my hair back. We don’t have to say a word. That’s the beauty of true friendship. She continues to run her fingers through my hair, allowing me the quiet. Tears fall, simply because I don’t know how to stop them.
They explained my hormones would go through the same rapid changes they would if I had delivered at full-term. Apparently, a body doesn’t know the difference between bringing home a baby and having to bury one. I sway from one extreme to another, but mostly I stay in the bleakness.
“We’ve lost a lot the past few years,” she speaks softly.
“I’d like it to stop.”
“You don’t know your own strength until you’re forced to face it.”
I tilt my head to look at her. “I’m doing the best I can.”
Presley shakes her head quickly. “You’re doing great, babe. Listen, I don’t want you to freak out, so I’m telling you now.”
I roll on my back and wait for it. Presley’s lips turn down, and she sighs. “Zach and I decided to put the wedding off another two months.”
“No!” I wince. “Please not because of this.”
“It’s not. I promise,” she reassures. “We have a lot going on with the horse farm and with being sued by Felicia for wrongful termination. It’s better if Zach and I don’t actually marry before that’s cleared. So, after speaking to the lawyers, we decided to push it back two months.”
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“Yes. We already live together, and he’s my husband in every way other than on paper.”
I close my eyes and smother the tears. It feels as if everything is falling apart. I really hope the accident isn’t the reason. I knew Felicia was going after Zach, but I figured she’d drop it after his team of lawyers threatened to countersue.
My mind drifts back to the hell we all endured when my brother killed himself. It was like that one single event tripped a wire, and we all got hit with shrapnel.
“Do you think we’re going to struggle like we did with Todd?”
“I hope not.” Presley returns to playing with my hair. “Do you remember when I was sitting around the house after he died?”
She was a ghost. Presley would answer if she was asked a question, but she’d completely lost herself. It was as if she’d died along side of him. “Yes.”
“Don’t let the pain over run you. I can only say this to you because you’re my sister, my best friend, and I love you. I’ve been right where you are. I’ve felt the pain so deep I wanted to let it consume me. I did let it.” Her eyes hold mine. “You made it stop. You forced me to dig deep and breathe again. Don’t get lost, Ang. Don’t let it eat y’all alive. You lived, don’t let her death be in vain.”
Presley stands, brushes the grass off her legs, and then helps me up as well. I know what she’s telling me is coming from a place of love, but I’ve never felt like this. “How? How do I move on from this?”
Losing Todd was completely different. He was an adult, and it was his choice. This wasn’t. This was a terrible accident that altered the future I thought I would have.
“By living. By loving someone. By forgiving yourself, Wyatt, and anyone else you blame. For understanding that the time you did have was precious. Look at what you’ve learned. Look at what you’ve found.” Her eyes move toward the guys.
She doesn’t get it. Wyatt may have been falling in love with me, but he truly loved the baby. She’s gone now. I have no idea what any of this means for us, and honestly, I don’t have the wherewithal to care. I was supposed to be leaving here in a week anyway. Clearly, I can’t drive with a broken wrist and staples in my stomach, so I’ve had to postpone it.
“Now that there’s no baby between us, I don’t know if there even is an us,” I say, feeling a new wave of sadness. “Is this what you felt like when Todd died? Just empty and as if you’d lost everything?”
Presley’s eyes shine with unshed tears. “I did lose everything. I lost my husband, my business, my home, my best friend, and the life I built. I faced every single fear I’d ever had. I was stupid, in pain, and miserable.” She glances at the guys and then back to me. “When I got here, Wyatt was who was there for me. I didn’t know Zach was in Bell Buckle, but Wyatt was on my farm. He kept showing up, making me leave the house, forcing me to find my footing back in a place I didn’t want to be.” She smiles and it’s both warm and sad at the same time. “Then, as if he knew I was ready before even I did, he pushed me into Zach’s arms.”
