Page 45 of Say You Want Me
“No clue.”
“Typical, Wyatt. He probably hasn’t figured it out yet so he can’t tell you.” Presley has warned me that where Zach is the romantic type, Wyatt is not. He’s never had to be. At the same time, I’m not the romance type of girl. I don’t need to be wooed. I need to know I’m not wasting my damn time. “But then again, I figure this date is going to be different. You better throw your stupid rule book out.” Pres warns me.
“I’m pretty sure we’ll break every damn rule I came here with. Multiple times.”
She laughs. “Oh, thank God. Did you really think you guys wouldn’t hit it off?”
“I didn’t want to think about it. I also didn’t want anyone to have any outside input.”
Presley’s eyes study mine, and I remember how much she knows about me. Presley heard me cry many nights when my mother would let me know how much of a disappointment I was. She watched me fall apart the night she told me that having me was a mistake and probably expedited her becoming sick. My mother has blamed me in some way for every horrible part of her life. I don’t know why or what I did other than try to be a good daughter, but she’s let me know it wasn’t appreciated.
She also knows my mother is capable of many shitty things. Presley was on the receiving end of it once, and my brother put a stop to it. On Presley’s wedding day my mother made one hell of a scene about where her seat was placed. She called Presley names, threw a king-size fit, and Todd practically threw her out. My father smoothed it over, but it ended with me trying to fix Presley’s makeup after she burst into tears.
“You know that her opinion doesn’t matter, right?”
And there you have it. She knows exactly what I worry about. “I do.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
She shifts in her seat. “I’ve known you for . . . well, ever. I’ve gotten to see some of your family’s interactions. Things that neither Todd nor I ever understood. But there was a reason we stayed in Philly instead of going to Florida like your parents begged us to. We didn’t want the kids around your mom’s constant criticism or your brother’s bullshit. Todd never saw you that way, Ang.”
When she talks about Todd like this, I start to ache. “Todd was never like them,” I say with emotion dripping from each word. He was so much more.
He was more of a protector than my father was. Todd always made sure that he took the brunt of Josh’s crap when all three of us were together. Then he left this world without so much as a goodbye.
And I let him.
It’s not like I knew he was in trouble, but I should’ve. I was his sister, and we were close. I should’ve knownsomethingwas wrong, but I was oblivious. I hate myself for it.
“No.” She takes my hand. “He wasn’t. He loved you so much. He saw you as his perfect little sister. You weren’t just my reason for wanting to stay in Pennsylvania. You were his, too. You’ve spent your life pushing people away because of what your mother did. Todd and I were the only people you let in. He cherished that, Ang. He was always worried about you. There were so many nights that he would talk about you needing someone to be there for you. I wish he could see you now.”
Presley may hide the pain of Todd’s suicide well, and she puts up a really good front. I admire her for that, but there’s a lot of hurt that we both carry, but she can’t hide it from me. “Todd did a lot of damage to us, though.”
She leans back in her chair, looks out the window, and then turns back to me. “Yeah. He really did.” Presley and the boys have struggled, but with Zach, her family, and Wyatt . . . they’ve been okay. “But we have choices, babe. We can sit around and feel sorry for ourselves or we can rise up. I didn’t want to lose my house, my job, my business, and my life, but I did. I came here, sucked it up, worked my ass off, and by some grace of God, I found my way back to Zach. It was a gift, and maybe Todd is up there giving you one too.”
Tears form in her eyes but she holds them back. I know how much she loved my brother. I also know that since she came back to Bell Buckle, we’ve barely spoken about him. A few times of course regarding the kids, but not about what she and I went through. I’m not sure why that is, but we skate around the surface.
However, the last thing my brother would ever want is me pregnant with a cowboy from Tennessee’s baby. He hated this place. And I’m pretty sure he hated the Hennington family. Well, one of them at least.
The thought of him behind this at all is hilarious. And somewhat gross.
“You think Todd’s gift to me is a baby?” I try to hold back the laugh, but it tumbles from my lips.
“No!” She giggles, clearly following where I’m going with this. “I think his gift is for you to no longer be alone.”
“The baby?”
She shakes her head and looks at me like I’m being dense. “No, babe. Wyatt.”
“Maybe.” I shrug. “Although I’m surprised it would come in the form of your soon-to-be brother-in-law.”
Presley practically shoots coffee out of her nose as she laughs. “I can’t imagine he’s happy about that. I have to believe he’s doing what he can to make sure we’re all taken care of, even though he’s not here anymore.”
“Do you miss him?”
She places her cup down and draws her bottom lip in. “I miss a lot of things.”
