“Sure, or booze, depends on the day.”
Max handed me a copy of the actual contract they wanted me to sign and stretched his long body out, bones popping as he slumped back down.
“You know, I think I might be able to sleep now,” he mused and I laughed.
“Worst bedtime story ever,” I stood and he dragged himself up too.
“You’ve got my number,” he said wryly and I grinned, “so call if you have any questions, or you know, if you want to chat some more.” I nodded and he cleared his throat lightly. I bit back a smile, glad that he was almost as awkward with his emotions as me. “Let me know as soon as you can if you’re going to sign. I’ll be back down in Sun City in a week or so anyway to check out the new premises. You can come too if you like?”
I got the impression that Max was lonely. He was nice, funny, and clearly knew what he was talking about and maybe I wanted to be his friend or maybe I just felt bad, but I found myself nodding. They said it was lonely at the top, I guess Max would know.
He showed me back out the front entrance and the sunlight had me shielding my eyes. I was sober enough to drive, thankfully, but I was in desperate need of food and a coffee. I waved to Max as I unlocked and stepped into my truck.
Yesterday felt a million miles away. Yesterday, I’d been kicked out of college. Today, I’d essentially been offered a record deal. A broad smile swept over my face and faded only when I checked my rearview mirror before I reversed. I swore as I stomped on the breaks and glared at the familiar figure standing behind my truck.
I didn’t dare get out. Instead, I rolled down my window and called, “Hello, mother.” I poured as much sarcasm and disdain into my voice as possible and didn’t know whether to feel relieved or bad when she didn’t notice. “How the fuck did you know I was here?” I glanced over at Marco’s suspiciously. I hadn’t ever told her I worked there but the place was seedy enough that it didn’t surprise me that she had contacts there.
“Is that any way to greet your mom?” She said, gesturing to the rolled down window and holding out her arms as she moved around to the front of the car. We shared the same dark hair, though hers was thin and graying, and the same mole above our lips. The years, or, more accurately, the drugs, hadn’t been kind to her. I didn’t get out of the car. “Karly told me you were here,” she said when I remained silent, “if you’d answered my texts you’d know that I live here now. Isn’t it great? I’m so close-by, we could visit–”
“What do you want?” I kept my tone curt, disinterested. “Money? I don’t have any.”
“Now, why would you assume that? You know I love you baby–”
“Let’s skip the bullshit routine,” I said, hands flexing on the wheel. “I don’t have any money on me and even if I did I wouldn’t give it to you to snort away. What part of me moving out and not answering your calls don’t you get?” She stared at me, a hand pressed to her chest like I’d wounded her and my gut churned, making me feel queasy. “I don’t want you in my life. Ever. Not if you’re going to be like this.”
“Benji, baby,” she tried and I clenched my jaw so hard I feared my teeth would break as my eyes burned. God, she had to ruin even this. Not a single moment of fucking peace in my life.
“I’m done. Have been for years now. Get clean or don’t fucking contact me again,” I was trembling but I meant the words. I didn’t want anything to do with her, not until she sorted her life out, if that day ever came would be up to her to decide.
She said nothing, eyes watering as I rolled up the window and reversed out of the space. I tried to control my shaky breaths, tried to ignore the guilt that gnawed at me the way she relied upon.What if she really needed me this time? What if I could help her? What if I’m all she has left?
I turned on the radio and let the sound drown out my thoughts. The truth was that I’d tried to help her. Had given her money, had put her in rehab, I hadtried. The same couldn’t be said for her. Just the fact that she was associating with people likeKarlytold me everything I needed to know about whether or not she was clean. It was… awful, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever think of her and not feel grief at what we might have had, but I needed to move on. I needed to put that shit behind me once and for all. I’d been so caught up in my hang-ups of the past, I’d almost missed out on something amazing.Ryan’s never going to shut up about this. Smug bastard.
A sign for a pancake house caught my attention and I immediately banked a right to go through the drive thru and then sat in the parking lot while I scoffed the thick, fluffy goods down. I grimaced at the leftover stickiness of the syrup on my hands afterwards but ran a hand over my stomach in satisfaction. Worth it.
I took a sip of the black coffee before placing it carefully into one of the many cup holders this truck offered. I’d have preferred a latte but I’d only had twenty dollars on me, so black would have to do.
The caffeine perked me up and as I drove back towards home I felt the anxiety that seeing my mom had dredged up begin to fade away. It was always like that when I saw her – she’d try and convince me she was there for me, to see me, that she’d missed me. Maybe in her own twisted way she really believed that. But it always ended the same, her crying, me slamming the door, and usually finding myself a couple hundred bucks lighter too. I’d said last time would be the last, and I’d meant it. Maybe now she’d take me seriously. I sighed and reached for my coffee, unfortunately it didn’t seem likely.
My phone chimed with an incoming message and I glanced at it quickly while I was at a red light. Just Liv, calling me a hoe. She clearly thought that I had spent the night with Ry, which I supposed was fine. Though she’d only have to check-in with Kat or one of the boys to know that wasn’t the case.
Truth be told, I wasn’t sure what to do about Liv. We were still getting to know each other in a lot of ways, but in the ones that counted she was the closest thing I had to a best friend and I didn’t want to lose her just because I was dating Ry. I didn’t know whether I should confront her and clear the air or just continue on and let the chips fall where they may.
I sighed, deciding to go with option two until I had any indication that Liv wanted to talk about it. Right now, I had more pressing matters – like finding a lawyer to look over this contract before I signed anything. Max seemed nice enough but I didn’t want to accidentally hand over my soul.
It was still early so the traffic was light and as I drove back past the mall I felt nothing but relief. Sun City was home, regardless of some stupid University that apparently hated threesomes. Ironically, I knew personally of a couple of good ways they could let loose…
I snorted as I pulled into the underground parking, back where I’d started and yet infinitely different. The sun was bright outside and it hit me for the first time how exhausted I was – I sniffed delicately as I grabbed my phone and empty coffee cup – and how badly I needed to shower off the weed sweats.
I called out to Liv as I made my way into the apartment, exhaustion dragging my steps and making me more confused than usual when I bumped into a familiar, svelte blonde trying to leave as I walked in. Well, normally svelte anyway, Bryn was looking naughtily rumpled and I grinned at her as we did an awkward side shuffle.
“Bryn,” I grinned wider, “nice to see you.”
She gave up on all pretenses of sneaking out, instead sliding her heels back on and gaining at least a head and a half of height on me. Bryn smacked a kiss to my cheek and waved goodbye without replying as she made her way down the hall and I snickered.
“I thoughtIwas supposed to be the hoe?” I said as I walked through the lounge to the kitchen and dumped the to-go cup and Liv came out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam, long hair wrapped up in a towel and face a little pink.
“What?” she asked and then her eyes ran over my likely tired eyes and rumpled hair. “Are you okay?”