Page 20 of Cross Checks

Once we cleaned up the debris left after we scarfed down the Chinese food, our conversation took a serious turn. I leaned back against one arm of the couch, and Chase settled in against me.

He seemed to be wrestling with something. “Is there something big on your mind?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s something kind of big that has made me struggle.” His voice sounded more vulnerable than I’d heard before. “It’s the hockey world. It’s not only about playing the game when you’re in my position. Surely, you understand that fans pay attention to who we are outside the arena.”

I rubbed his arm. “You mean like when something happens with a professional sports figure, and the rumor mills explode with talk about whether they are a good model for kids?”

“Yeah, pretty much like then. I’m a little worried about what happens to me when they find out I’m dating a guy. On one hand, I’m so excited about how I get to be with you. It feels fully myself, but I’m scared of what coming out might do to my hockey career. My teammates, the fans, the reporters…I don’t know how any of them will react.”

Thoughts started churning in my mind, but I held them in. It was time to keep listening to Chase.

“I’ve always known who I was as a player, confident in my skills. But this is new territory. Sometimes, players get attacked not for what they do on the ice but for who they are when they leave it. I’ve started wondering. Will that be me?” I watched as he rubbed his temples.

As Chase’s confession about his worries hung in the air, I felt a powerful urge to offer reassurance and help ease the burden he carried. Suddenly, something came to mind that I thought might help. I would have thought he’d considered it already, but I knew that sometimes worried people had tunnel vision.

“Let me know if I’m off the mark on this,” I began, “but I remember reading about your head coach and assistant coach last season in the newspaper. They’re a couple, right? And it was big news when they announced that to the community and your league.”

Chase nodded, and his brow furrowed as he tried to sort out where I was heading with my observation.

“Yeah, they did. I guess it was pretty big news at the time. I totally forgot about that.”

I held onto him a little tighter. “Well, from what I read and heard from the guys at the firehouse, the response was overwhelmingly supportive. It was all over the town, and I never heard about any nasty blowback.”

Chase appeared thoughtful. “I guess it was all pretty positive. Maybe that’s why I didn’t think about it in relation to me. It just feels like that’s who they are.”

And that’s probably my point. I squeezed one of his hands. “It’s not exactly the same, but it shows people's attitudes have changed, even in the hockey world. I don’t think it will be as bad as you fear.”

He was silent for a moment. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe it won’t be a big deal to the fans or the guys.”

I nodded, happy that it seemed like I could help. “And remember, we’re in no hurry, so you don’t have to sort it out right now. Take it all one step at a time.”

“Thanks, Hank. This helps a lot. My mind does race sometimes without thinking it all through. It’s good to hear a reminder that maybe somebody else has already been there and lived to tell the tale.” He chuckled softly.

The moment felt ripe to lighten the mood again. “You know, maybe we should take things slow regarding the whole coming out thing. After all, there’s a lot we need to figure out first.”

Chase rolled his head back and glanced up at my face. “Like what?”

The corners of my mouth curled up into a mischievous grin. “Well, for starters, we should probably focus on getting to know each other. I mean from head to toe, inside and out.”

Before he could react to my comment, I pounced, my fingers wiggling against his sides and tickling gently. He burst into laughter and squirmed. I wrapped my legs over him to make it more challenging to get away.

The sound of Chase laughing grew louder and was infectious. I joined in, and soon, we were laughing our heads off.

“Okay, okay, I give up!” he said between laughs. I stopped tickling but kept my arms around him, pulling him in tight.

We settle into a comfortable snuggle. Chase found the perfect spot for his head to rest against my chest. We were like two pieces of a puzzle fitting together perfectly.

“There’s no rush for anything,” I insisted. “We’ve got all the time in the world to figure everything out. What’s important is,” I gave him a gentle squeeze, “us together here and now.”

He let out a contented sigh and snuggled even closer. “I like the sound of that,” he said in a voice muffled against the fabric of my shirt. “Getting to know, taking our time…” His words began to fade out.

I rested my chin on the top of his head. “We’ll take the journey at our own pace, enjoying every moment.”

Chase’s playlist must have run out because the music ended. The room was silent except for the light sound of our breathing. With my arms wrapped tightly, I knew I could keep the outside world at bay.

I listened as Chase’s breaths slowed against my chest. His body relaxed completely, and I knew he’d drifted asleep.

Looking down at him, I saw a serene face. Moonlight beamed in through gaps in the window blinds and gave the outline of his jaw a soft glow.

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