Page 17 of Cross Checks

I didn’t know for sure where to start, so I just jumped right in. “So, there’s somebody new in my life. His name’s Hank.”

“His?” I heard the surprise in her voice. “Are we talking a new friend or…” Her voice trailed off.

“More than a friend,” I asserted. “He’s…different. I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. It’s all new, and, pardon my language, it’s confusing as hell.”

She chose her words carefully, but I didn’t hear any hints of judgment. “Okay, tell me more about him.”

I couldn’t stop smiling when I started talking about Hank. I shared the story of how we met in the fire and gave Jane general information about the night we spent together and how it made me feel. It was a relief to say it all out loud. My connection with Hank felt more real that way.

“It sounds like you really like him, and I’m happy for you. Still, I hear a ‘but’ coming. What’s that about?”

I sighed heavily, knowing I couldn’t hide anything from my big sister. “But…I’ve only ever been with women before. This is huge uncharted territory. I don’t know if I can handle a serious relationship with a man. What are the rules? How does it work?”

Jane was silent for a moment. I could almost hear her gathering her thoughts.

“Attraction and love can be so strong sometimes that they knock us all on our heels. When someone appears and grabs our emotions by the throat, they don’t always fit into the old, neat boxes. It’s okay to feel confused. You aren’t alone.”

Her words provided some comfort, but I felt like I had a bottomless well of questions. “What if I’m making a mistake? What if I’m not really, um…into guys, at least relationship-wise. What if I’m just…” My voice trailed off.

“Just what?”

“What if I’m just horny for Hank?”

Jane chuckled softly. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh, but if you had listened to yourself on that last bit, it’s clear that you are horny for Hank, and I think that’s a good thing. As far as ‘just,’ I don’t think you can sort that out after one night.”

“Yeah, logic tells me that, but still…”

“Little brother, there’s no rulebook. You like who you like. It’s both as simple and as complicated as that. What I think is most important is that you’re willing to explore new, unfamiliar parts of yourself. That takes courage.”

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Jane’s comments were reassuring. “Thank you. I don’t want to mess this up if it’s for real.”

“None of us ever want that, but take it one day at a time. Be open and honest with Hank and with yourself. That’s the best you can do. You’ll get it sorted and out, and remember, I’m always here for you, no matter what.”

We talked for a bit longer. Jane was thriving in Boston but said her single life could sometimes be lonely. I encouraged her to come to Cold Pines and watch me play.

By the time the call ended, I felt much better. My big sister had helped me lift some of the burden off my shoulders.

As I set my phone down, a peaceful feeling washed over me. Jane’s unconditional support and advice resonated deeply. I knew I wouldn't unravel all the complicated threads of my attraction to Hank overnight. She was right. I needed to take it all one day at a time to see where it would ultimately lead.

I thought about waking up next to Hank in his bed. His little house was comfortable and cozy and was just right with him there. Whatever doubts lurked in my mind, suddenly breaking things off wasn’t an option.

What we had between us held too much potential for me to cast it aside over anxiety about my personal labels. I had to make myself open for growth and a new way of looking at myself in the mirror.

I stood and looked out my bedroom window. It was dark, and I could see the moon sending a dappled glow through the bare limbs of the tree outside. Nature always seemed to have it all figured out, while mere humans struggled to see how all the puzzle pieces fit.

I whispered a heartfelt thank you to my sister for her wise words. It was time to stop overanalyzing. I needed more time with Hank to help figure out the future path for both of us.

With Jane up to date on our relationship, I knew we had a strong ally. I took a deep breath and returned to my bed. I needed sleep. Everything would look better in the morning, and I looked forward to the next time I would see the man in my life.

Chapter6

Hank

It was time for date #2 with Chase, and I couldn’t wait. As I drove across town in my truck, the Chinese takeout I’d picked up on the way to his apartment filled the air with delicious scents.

The Victorian house where he called the second floor home looked like a relic from a bygone era. Its stolid presence commanded attention in the dimming light of the evening.

As I approached, I thought about how it might look decorated with holiday lights. We were only weeks away from December.

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