Page 48 of Cross Checks

As I listened to Lyle’s story, I thought about taking on the role of fire chief, leading my crew, and making a difference in the community. Immediately, another image appeared in my head. It was Chase and I, hand-in-hand, strolling on the beach with a young child between us.

“This is making your head spin, eh?” Lyle asked.

"Like a top," I admitted. "I'm completely overwhelmed," I admitted. "Being chief has been my biggest career dream. But leaving Chase feels unthinkable, too. I feel pulled in two impossible directions at once.”

Lyle nodded. "Break it down for me. What specifically is drawing you toward staying here for the promotion?"

I patted the bricks of the old firehouse. "This place made me who I am. Coming here day after day, I’ve felt fortunate that I have a job that I love and it serves people. Being chief would be a chance to lead the team that's been my family."

“It’s a powerful draw,” Lyle agrees. "So what about the other side—what's anchoring you to Chase?"

“I get goosebumps just thinking about his smile. I think he might be my soulmate. I never imagined I could love someone like I do him."

Lyle scratched his jaw. “You’ve got quite the conundrum. If you had to decide right now, which way are you leaning?"

I closed my eyes with a trembling exhale. "Toward Chase. As long as he wants me, I have to follow." Saying it out loud steadied me.

He clamped a hand on my shoulder. “Like I said, there is no right or wrong answer here, but after you decide, look forward and not back. Follow your heart wherever it leads.”

I left the firehouse with a new appreciation for the complexity of life and the choices we’re forced to make.

“I’m going to head back inside,” Lyle told me. “Maybe you should take a walk and clear your head.”

“That’s precisely what I thought I would do. Thanks for listening, bud.”

“Any time.”

It was late morning as I wandered the familiar streets of Cold Pines. I saw so many things—the elementary school, ice cream shop, post office—that played different roles in shaping me into the man I was.

Memories of a good childhood in my small Maine town flooded my mind. I was fortunate to have good parents and loving siblings. My complaints about growing up were very few and far between.

As I walked past the old oak tree in the town park, I remembered when I climbed its sturdy branches on a dare. Somebody called the cops, and my dad gave me a stern lecture when I reached the ground.

What I remembered most, though, was he praised me for having initiative. He said I might need to learn to have more respect for laws, but he didn’t want me to lose the guts to experience life fully.

“Hey, Hank!” I heard someone call out and interrupt my thoughts. It was old Mr. Johnson, who owned the hardware store on the corner. He waved at me from across the street.

“Hi, Mr. Johnson,” I called back. Even if I were hundreds of miles away on a Florida beach, I wouldn’t forget the friendliness of the people of Cold Pines.

“Maybe there’s a good way to make this all work,” I whispered to myself. “That’s my challenge. I need to find that way in just a few short days.”

As I rounded the corner, I was across the street from the fire station. I’d walked in a complete circle, ending where I began.

It was time to head home. Chase would be there for lunch soon.

When I arrived, my heart still felt heavy. I glanced around the living room and saw many memos of our relationship we’d gathered in just a few months—framed photos, a snow globe with a hockey player inside that Chase bought for me, and the little fireman with a hose I gave him.

It was time to swallow my turmoil and focus on the best man I’d ever met. Lunch and the rest of the day were ours to enjoy, and I wasn’t going to ruin it.

I heard the front door open and close. “Hey,” Chase called out, and his eyes lit up. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you more,” I insisted. We met in the living room and hugged each other tightly.

“Has your day been okay so far?” he asked.

“It had a few blips this morning, but I don’t want to dwell on that. The rest of today is about us, so I want to focus on you.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “Let’s do it.”

---