Page 79 of The Reality of Wanting Him
I can see a flicker of hesitation, and I know there’s still so much we need to discuss. I’d planned on talking last night, but Blake passed out, which I completely understood with how intense our sex ended up being.
“Whatcha thinking about?” I ask, running my hand up and down his bare back. I wait, letting him take his time to collect his thoughts.
“Are we still engaged?”
The question makes my stomach flip. It’s not that I haven’t asked myself the same question repeatedly as I considered us getting back together, but hearing him ask doesn’t make it any clearer. “I don’t know,” I admit honestly.
Blake bites his lip, considering my words. “I mean, we were supposed to be married by now,” he says quietly. “And I still want to be.”
My heart beats a little faster becauseI do too. I never stopped wanting him, or us. But I also don’t want to rush it.
I cup his jaw and run my thumb over his cheek. “Blake, I love you. You know that, right?”
He nods. “Okay,” he says quietly.
“And Idowant to marry you, but I also don’t want to rush it. I don’t want us to feel like we have to prove anything to anyone. I want our relationship to beours. Not something we do because of the show, or for money, or because it’s what someone else expects of us. I don’t want to do anything because we feel like we have to for the reunion. I just want us to have time to be together the way that we want to.”
Blake exhales slowly, like he’s been holding his breath this entire time. “Yeah, I want that too.”
“So let’s not worry about the fiancé label for now. We can officially get engaged again when it feels right for us. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, or the fact that I want our future to be spent together. I just want it to be for us, okay?”
Blake smiles, leaning down to nudge his nose against mine. “Okay. But, for the record, you’re definitely still my future husband, so can I call you that?”
I chuckle, tugging him against me and press a kiss to his lips. “Of course. And you’remine.”
We stay like that for a while—wrapped up in each other. It feels like we’re finally back on the right track, like we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be. Since his dramatic move to thefarm, I haven’t doubted that Blake was my future. I just needed to be in the right headspace tochooseit again. And now, we can.
After a few minutes, I finally nudge him. “You ready to get up and go feed the chickens?”
“The chickens! Yes. Daddy’s coming!” he yells dramatically, even though they definitely can’t hear him.
I roll my eyes and laugh, savoring the reminder that my life with him will never be boring. I get dressed quickly and follow him out the door.
As we walk over toward the coop, I turn to him. “So, what’s on our to-do list now that you’re officially moving in?”
He stops in his tracks like this is shocking news to him. “I am?”
“Yeah, baby. We’ll get your stuff today from Dad’s and move you in, although I don’t know if he’ll let Lucky come too with how attached he is.” I thought living together was a clear next step, but I guess not. Especially not with the way he launches himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck and kissing me with excited passion.
When he finally pulls back, his entire face gets serious. “Liam. Future husband. I meant what I said to you when I first showed up at the farm. I want to put my money intoourlife. Into the farm. I know I’ve put a little bit in already, and before you get weird about it, just accept that this ismydream too.”
I sigh, it’s been a bit of struggle to accept his money, even in the small amounts we’ve used already, but I do know he really wants to do this. He’s proved it. It’s time for me to prove that I trust him too and let him get what he wants. “What are your grand plans?” I check, trying to sound as excited as he is, despite knowing that I’ll probably have a headache after hearing the answer.
He perks up immediately, realizing that I’m not going to argue with him about the money. “Okay, so first, goats!”
“Goats?”
“Yes, weneedgoats. I’ve already picked out names, babe. I’ve done some research and you have to haveat leasttwo so I think we should start with four.”
I had a feeling this conversation would immediately go to more animals. “Blake?—”
“No, no, just hear me out,” he pleads. “Goats are good for farms. They eat weeds. They’re cute! And we can get those little pajamas for them!”
“What is with you trying to dress up the farm animals, B?”
“Fine,overalls. We’ll get them overalls.”
I groan but I know it’s useless, he’s already committed to this and named them. “What else?”
