Page 7 of The Reality of Wanting Him

The last thing I want is to end up with someone who makes me feel like I don’t fit into their life because we have vastly different passions. I want to be chosen on purpose, not as an experiment or a phase.

So yeah, B’s probably a great person, but notmyperson.

5

BLAKE

Producer:What’s the first thing you look for in a partner?

Blake:To be honest, in the past I’ve been more focused on what my partner looks like than anything else… but that obviously wasn’t working out for me, which is why I’m here. I really like the idea of actually being friends with the person I’m dating. I don’t know if I’ve ever had that, and it sounds amazing.

The final speed date wraps up, and Andy’s bubbly familiar face pops up on the screen. “You did it! The first round is officially over! Can you believe it? Some of you might have already talked to your future spouse.” He pauses dramatically. “Any guesses on who it might be?” I’m not sure how responsive we’re supposed to be, once again, so I shrug with a small smile for the camera.

“Here’s what happens next,” Andy continues. “After you take a break to eat and decompress, spend some time reviewing your notes and thinking about who you’d like to talk to again—and who you’re ready to say goodbye toforever. You can request up to ten people to match with for the next round. Make sure to rank your top three for a better chance of connecting with them again.”

He leans toward the camera. “If both of you request each other, you’ll be able to directly message them in our app so you can plan your next date, which could be as soon as tonight. While you absolutely can message whenever you want, we strongly encourage you to plan daily dates if you want to stay matched. If you need prompts, we have some in the rooms and you can find additional ones on your app.

“Now, here’s the twist. If only one of you requests the other, unfortunately, that’s the end of the road for that connection.” Andy makes an exaggerated pout, only to immediately perk up and hold up one finger. “Unlessthat person is in your top three! If someone ranks you in their top three but you didn’t initially request to talk to them again, you’ll be given the chance to accept another date with them. That’s your opportunity to reconsider and give someone a second chance if you think you might have overlooked a potential connection.”

Interesting.Although, I’d hope that everyone I want to match with will also feel a strong connection to me. I felt like those dates went really well, and I connected with most of the people I talked to, so now I’m even more excited to see where this goes.

Andy adds, “Of course, no one should feel pressured to say yes to a date with someone they’re not interested in. This process is all about genuine connections, not forcing something that isn’t there. But, sometimes, second chances lead to surprising outcomes.”

He claps his hands together and smiles. “Once everyone’s results are submitted on the app, you’ll get a message from the producers with your matches. Also, if someone picked you in their top three and you didn’t rank them at all, but you do give them that second chance, they’ll never know. Your secret is safe with us,” he says with a dramatic wink at the camera.

Yeah, and with anyone who watches the show. How embarrassing would that be if I picked someone in my top three who didn’t pick me at all?

Andy finishes up his video by saying, “Best of luck, everyone! Remember, love is love. Follow your heart, ignore labels, and let’s see where it leads you!”

The video cuts off, and I finally make my way back out into the main living space of my apartment to make a late lunch and pick my top ten. Unfortunately, we’re responsible for making our own food. The show asked us what groceries we wanted stocked, but it’s up to us to actually cook them.Not exactly ideal for someone like me who’s used to buying most of my meals.

To be fair, they warned us about this, so I’ve been practicing. Or attempting. It’s not like I’m a gourmet chef now or anything, but I can at least put together something edible without burning the place down. Remi’s warning comes to mind, and I can’t imagine being the reason for the show being “ruined,” as they put it, if I set off the fire alarm.Chad would have a field day with that.

Hopefully having to make my food will end up being a good way to pass the time, though. It’s a little comforting, in a way, to focus on something simple when everything else feels so big and uncertain. There’s no denying being in this setup is isolating. I miss Lucky’s constant presence at my side, and all of the walks and dog parks that usually fill my day. I wish I could check in with Chad to see how she’s doing. I can’t even leave this apartment for the next week and I don’t have my phone, so I’m just stuck in silence with my own thoughts. At least I’m not on dates with people who sound like robots right now.

Wait… what if Iwastalking to robots, and this whole thing was some high-tech version of Punk’d that Chad set up? Like thatJury Dutyshow where everyone was an actor except the one guy—except now I’m the lone human on an AI dating show.

Nah, Chad knows how important it is for me to get married.He wouldn’t waste my time like that unless he plans to financially fund the rest of my life, and as much fun as that sounds, I don’t think my parents had him in mind as my future spouse. Still… a show like thatwould behilarious in a different context.

I’m so used to going out and being surrounded by my friends that this experience is throwing me off balance. For once, it’s just me. No distractions, no group plans, and no loud city noise to drown everything out.

I take a deep breath and glance around the apartment, staring into the fridge as I try to figure out what to eat. Maybe that’s part of the point of all this—to slow down, sit with myself, and actually figure out what I want, instead of rushing from one thing to the next. It’s uncomfortable, sure, but there’s something about it that feels… necessary.

I wonder what I’ll discover about myself by the end of this.

The show provided us with a news app that’s updated with daily current events so that we’re not completely cut off from the world, and the TV does have some on-demand show and movie options we’re free to watch. But there are none of the typical social media apps that I’m used to scrolling through to mindlessly fill my time. It’s strange not having that automatic distraction.

I definitely plan to work out while I’m here too, but there are only so many hours in a day one can actually work out.

One thing I’m looking forward to is when we get access to message the other contestants. After talking to everyone today, I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface. I’m curious to see who’s genuinely interested in talking again and seeing if we can build a connection. I’m not sure yet who will make my top ten, but I’m definitely filling all the slots to maximize my chances of finding a match. There’s no way I’m leaving here single, I feel way too good about this experience, and I really want to get married.

My mind is so focused on deciding who my top three shouldbe that I can’t bring myself to focus on cooking, and I opt for a microwave meal.I’ll try to actually cook next time.

I go through my notes as I eat and put stars next to the initials I remember having the most fun with—and who I think are the most likely to be women. This whole thing would be a lot easier if I was also attracted to men, and being here all by myself has certainly given me the time to think about that option for the first time. On paper, hanging out with a guy that I’m friends with all the time sounds great, but whenever I try to picture being with a man physically, it’s like my brain gets stuck on the logistics and gives up on the idea. It’s too bad too, because outside of the physical stuff, it does seem like a great setup.

I know it’s a possibility I could match here with a man and not know until we meet. I guess if I do, I’ll have to do a lot more than consider a hypothetical, but I’ll deal with it if it comes to that. There’s no use stressing about something that probably won’t happen. I just don’t want to waste other contestants’ time. They deserve someone who might actually fall for them since we’re all here looking for something real, and I don’t want to lead the other guys on when I can’t give them what they’re looking for. When I was applying for the show, I didn’t really think about taking away someone else’s chance to find their person, and now I feel a little guilty they cast me at all.

“Okay, time to narrow down my top three,” I say aloud. “Starting with RR. Their vibe board was full of fashion stuff, and they seemed really sweet. After our brief conversation, I think they might be from the city as well. They also kind of reminded me of the girls I’ve dated, except that by being on this show, they've shown they're actually ready for commitment, which makes them a much better choice than my exes.”

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