Page 66 of The Reality of Wanting Him

Then, with a smile I can tell she’s perfectly crafted, she says, “Listen, Liam. I’m sure you’re a nice young man and all, considering you were somehow able to convince my son he wants to marry you, but let me be clear about something.”

Fuuuuck. I don’t like where this is going.

“Blake is easily influenced,” she continues. “He has no real direction in his life, so he just follows whatever path is laid out for him at any given time. We tried to push football when he was younger to give him a sense of purpose. It was clear he’d never have the brains for anything more difficult or productive, but he couldn’t even manage that. It’s sad, really.” She sighs, like she’s actually pities her own son and isn’t sounding like a horrible parent right now. “That’s why we gave him the marriage ultimatum. We thought it would push him to finally take his relationships seriously, like his siblings have. Then he’dhave no choice but to make something of himself with a good wife by his side.”

I’m sorry, did she just say… marriage ultimatum?

“Um, what ultimatum?” I choke out the word, sure I must have heard her wrong. Blake would have told me if anything like she was suggesting was true.Right?

She purses her lips. “Of course he didn’t tell you.”

I don’t say anything.Can’tsay anything.Just wait for her to continue as I feel like my entire world is tilting off its axis.

“We told him he needed to be married by his thirtieth birthday, which as I’m sure you’re aware, is next month. Or we’d cut him off.”

My stomach plummets, that anxiety I was trying to ignore earlier seems so mild compared to the absolute panic level of dread and adrenaline now coursing through my veins. I need to calm down, but despite the deep breaths I’m attempting, I can’t help but feel a sense of deja vu, like I’m back in that college dorm, walking in on my boyfriend hooking up with someone else. Like the happy future I’ve built up is just in my head and the harsh reality is crashing down around me to reveal I’m just being used by someone yet again.

There’s no way he’s marrying me for money, though, right?He told me he loves me. He proposed to me first. He said he wanted to move to the farm and help my dad and me make it as great as we know it can be.

None of this is making any sense.

His mom is either unaware or unconcerned with the mental spiral she has set off inside me, continuing like this is a casual chat and not possibly the worst moment of my life. “Now, he’s here, pulling this ‘I’m bisexual’ nonsense when he’s only ever dated women. I know he was unhappy about the ultimatum, but I never thought he’d go this far just to spite us. We told him we’d give him more time so he could find a wife.” She sighs like this is so inconvenient for her to have to explain to me. “It’s impressive,really, I didn’t think he had this level of commitment in him. But he’s proved his point. It can end now.”

My heart is racing at what feels like a very dangerous rate, and I’m distantly concerned that I might be about to throw up on this woman’s very expensive-looking dress. I don’t want to believe he’d use me, but why would she make this up? I know I need to call Blake, I need to hear his side of the story, but what if it’s all true? I’m desperate for him to have some logical explanation for this, but what if there isn’t one?

God, why wouldn’t he just fucking tell me?

Is it because she’s telling me the truth? Has this whole thing been about money to him, am I just a pawn in this family's schemes?I don’t want to believe that.

But then I remember his vague comments about his parents being sick of him not holding down a real job, about him only having to start thinking about money recently. Of how quickly he jumped from calling himself straight to wanting to be with me. My stomach clenches as a message he sent me way back in the beginning, before we’d even met, is suddenly clear as day in my mind. We were talking about what we’d do with the prize money if we finished the show, and he’d said he would “just be happy to leave the show married” and that his “new spouse can decide what they want to do with it.” Is that because he knew keeping his parents’ money would be worth more than the prize money anyway? Because at the end of the day, the only thing he cared about was getting married?

“I’ll make this easy for you to understand,” his mother continues in a smooth, practiced voice that I now absolutely hate. “If you marry Blake today, wewillcut him off. He needs a wife who can give him children, not somebuddyto hang out with and continue the same aimless life he’s been leading for years. And as you know, Blake has no skills, nor work experience. He has no drive.”

A part of me wants to defend him, say that isn’t true, but Idon’t know what to think anymore, so I’m still stunned into silence as she goes on.

“I’m sorry that you got caught up in all this. But if Blake lying to you about his motives isn’t enough to make you want to end things, if he’s somehow truly convinced you to care for him, then I’d like to be perfectly clear that you two staying together will only hurt you both. He doesn’t really love you, the only thing he’s ever cared about in his life is his dog. Whatever he’s said to you has been about keeping his money. He’ll change his tune when he suddenly has nothing, and if you go through with this, that’s exactly what he’ll have. Nothing. His life as he knows it is over, understand? You’ll be stuck in a marriage with someone who doesn’t actually want to be with you.”

She looks at me expectantly, like she’s waiting for me to respond.

I stand there frozen, her words spinning in a loop in my head as the room begins to feel like it’s shrinking. I want Blake, I want him so badly. Ilovehim. I want to marry him. But was any of it real? And even if it was, canI cost him everything?

Even if everything about him lying to me isn’t real, there’s no way I can support him the way he’s used to. The farm barely scrapes by as it is. There’s nowealth,and I’ve seen the way Blake lives. Even when we’ve talked about the farm, and he seemed excited, it was about wanting to upgrade things. What if we can’t afford to do that? Could he handle the kind of lifestyle that having almost no money leads to?

She clears her throat, giving me a pointed look.

“Does Blake know you’re here? Know that you’re saying this to me?” I manage to choke out.

Her expression doesn’t change and I know there’s no way she’s going to give me an answer. She doesn’t care about me or my feelings, she just wants me gone. I still don’t know what to believe about Blake, but I truly can’t comprehend the type ofmother who would sacrifice her own son’s chance at happiness just for her own ego.And why? Because I’m a man?

I have a long list of insults I would like to use to label this woman.But I can’t even focus on that as my thoughts keep going back to Blake.

What if this wasn’t real?

What if everything I thought we were building was just… a convenient way for him to keep his wealth?

What if he chose me because he had no other option?

Was he going to marry someone,anyonefrom the show, no matter what?

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