Page 63 of The Reality of Wanting Him

“You’re supposed to be on my side, Ash.”

“Just grab something and get in the dressing room. You’re turning into such a groomzilla,” Chad teases.

I walk out just in time to see Blake carrying three options into another dressing room. The first two are good, he looks as handsome as ever, but when he steps out in the third option—a lighter-blue tux with black lapels, my heart slams against my ribs.

He looks unreal.

Blake is silently standing in front of the mirror, staring at his own reflection like he’s never seen himself before. I slowly walk over to him and wrap my arms around him.

“Oh,” he says softly, smoothing his hands down the jacket. “What do you think?” he asks as he turns to face me.

Kieran lets out a low whistle. “Yeah, that’s the one.”

Chad nods. “This is it, dude. No question.”

But I barely register what they’re saying because I’m too busy drinking him in as he awaits my reaction. Although, I’m sure my face completely gave me away.

“Thisisit,” I echo their words. Then I lower my tone so that only he can hear me. “You in this, walking toward me? It’s perfect, baby.”

Blake lets out a deep exhale, like he was holding his breath. “Yeah?”

I nod, stepping forward holding his jaw to guide his gaze to meet mine. “You look incredible. How do you feel in it, though? That’s what’s important.”

“Happy, confident. Like I’m doing this for me and not because it’s what my parents want.”

Maybe I’ve been underestimating how much pressure Blake’s parents have put on him. I’m glad he seems to be moving past it, though. Smiling, I lean down and kiss him slowly. Once again, trying to hold back from deepening it because we’re in public and we have an audience—and the cameras.

Someone clears their fucking throat though.Of fucking course.

I swear, I never want to hear another person clear their throat in their entire lives.

Then I hear Ash say, “Love this moment for you two, but if you keep making out in front of me, I’m going to have to bill you for emotional distress. I can only handle so much jealousy and longing in one day.”

Blake laughs against my mouth before pulling back. “You just wish you had someone this hot to kiss.”

“Yeah, I do. That’s exactly what I want.” Then I swear I hear him mumble, “It feels so good to say that out loud,” to himself. Then he quickly spins to the camera person with wide eyes. “I didn’t sign anything today, you can’t put any of that in theshow.” They assure him that they’re not about to out someone on a queer show, and Ash settles again.

I turn to give him a knowing smile. “You’ll find it, Ash. I know you will.” Then I grab Blake’s hand. “Now, come on, fiancé. Let’s go check out before you start insisting on an outfit change for the reception.”

“I mean… it wouldn’t be the worst idea…”

“Blake.”

“Fine, fine.” He squeezes my hand, smiling. “Let’s go.”

29

BLAKE

Producer:What are you looking forward to most about being married?

Blake:As grateful as I am for the show bringing us together, I’m excited to spend time with Liamwithoutall the cameras around.

Today is my fucking wedding day!I actually did it. My thirtieth birthday isn’t for another month, and I’m about to walk down the aisle with my person. I can’t believe how lucky I am that I not only followed my parents’ stupid ultimatum and won’t lose access to my trust fund, but that I actually found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with in the process.

As much as I hate to admit it—because I still think the whole threat of cutting me off if I didn’t settle down was stupid—it was also undeniably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. There’s no way I would have signed up for the show without the possibility of being cut-off hanging over my head, and I also don’t know that I would have ever thought to give dating another man a chance in the real world. And it brought me to Liam, who is everything I need.

Even my attitude about my family’s money has changed since I met Liam. Before, I was terrified of what my life would look like if I lost it. I had no sense of direction, no purpose other than making Lucky happy and having a good time, and that lifestyle wasn’t cheap. Now, though, I’m grateful to have that money because of how I want to use it to help Liam and his dad achieve their dreams for the farm.It really has become my dream too.But, even if I wasn’t rich, I know we’d still be happy. I think I finally understand what my dad said to me almost two years ago about really finding his purpose when he met my mom. Not that Liam himself is my purpose. As much as I want to spend my days making him happy, I still feel like my own person, but the life we’re going to build together feels so much more meaningful than anything I was doing before meeting him.

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