Page 21 of The Reality of Wanting Him

I loved our puzzle and painting date. I wasn’t sure what to expect going into it, but BB kept things fun, just like they always do. Even when we’re just on the phone cooking our own separate dinners, or decompressing from the day, they’ve continued to surprise me. I’ve found myself really enjoying it.

I already submitted my top two, so now I just wait, staring at the blob of colors that loosely resemble a mountain that B painted. It really is bad, but every time I look at it, I can’t help but smile. The waiting is causing me so much more stress than I ever expected. I kind of want to text BB and beg them to pick me, but I won’t.Obviously, it needs to be their decision.

I’ve been trying to envision leaving this two-bedroom apartment to move into a one-bedroom with BB, but it’s so hard to do without knowing their gender or looks or voice. It’s going to be interesting to see how our relationship feels once we’ve met each other, and to try connecting everything I know about them from my limited perspective to reality.

Finally, after what feels like days, I get the notification that BB wants to continue with me, and the relief I feel is monumental. I immediately open our texts and send one.

LM

Well, that was the longest wait of my entire life.

BB

I had to keep you on your toes ;)

LM

Mission accomplished lol. Now I can breathe again.

BB

Glad to hear you really wanted me. Like I said, I’m a catch.

LM

A humble catch, clearly. Good to know what I’m signing up for.

BB

You already signed up. No take-backs!

LM

Guess I’ll just have to deal with it then.

BB

Yep. And trust me, you won’t regret it!

BB

To be honest though, I’ve been waiting too. I think the show held back our answers to add drama, I was just about to message you when yours came through. I’m glad this isn’t over.

Day six fliesby in a blur. I spend most of it talking with B, having another formal date in the other room where we just continue our conversation from our texts. I’m trying really hard not to overthink everything and panic, but I can’t stop myself from anticipatingsomethinggoing wrong.

I also may or may not text JR one too many times because I’m definitely freaking out. But, in my defense, having someone to talk and vent to was the whole reason we decided to pick each other. There weren’t any rules against that. Not having my phone to talk to my friends about this big decision would have left me absolutely spiraling. Ineverexpected to be this invested in the show.

Luckily for JR, KD picked them in their top two as well, so we’ve both made it to the last day at least. I haven’t heard from JR yet on if KD agreed to move in, but I know they’re planning to ask today.

Now, I’m sitting in the date room again, waiting for B to come in so I can ask them if they want to continue this experience and move in with me. I’m confident, but definitely stillfreaking out.I mean, how can I not be when my entire future depends on it? Dramatic much?

I want to believe BB feels the same way I do, but I have no idea how they’re actually feeling. I know it’s not just me in their top two, there’s still one other person they’re considering. We can view each other’s calendars to send requests to schedule dates when they’re free, so I know that they had other dates scheduled in this top two period.I really doubt that they also decided to have a completely platonic friend as their second option.

I hate that I don’t know for certain where I stand with B. Every conversation we’ve had has felt real, like we’re both all-in, but what if I’ve misread everything? What if I’ve let myself get caught up in something they don’t feel as strongly about? What if their other connection is stronger?

Panicking doesn’t even cover it.

Especially since we had the really important conversation about kids. I didn’t realize how much I was holding my breath, waiting for that answer, until I heard BB say they wanted to be a parent too.

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