Page 9 of The Reality of Wanting Him

I’m still conflicted over how to feel about BB. I’ve tried to really think about it more, but I’m not sure how they felt any kind of connection.But maybe that’s part of the process—learning to slow down and accept that people can be different than you assume at first glance.

I scroll through the profiles of the people I matched with, mentally ticking off the ones I’m genuinely excited to chat with again. There’s AP, who was surprisingly funny and quick-witted. JR, who had this calming energy that made the whole conversation feel easy. And RL, who talked about their love of photography in a way that made me feel like I was appreciating the world through their lens. Maybe that’s what B was trying to do with football. It just didn’t land the same way RL’s passion did.

With each profile I look at, I feel a little more hopeful about this whole process.Maybe this experiment isn’t so crazy after all. Maybe I really did already meet my future spouse.

I glance at the messaging app and wonder if I should make the first move messaging anyone or see who reaches out to me. There are so many factors to consider, and I want to remain as true to myself as possible so I can find my person.I don’t want to put on a show for the cameras and end up with someone who likes a fake version of myself.I put my phone down and take a deep breath, mentally preparing to dive back in. Seven matches. Seven chances to make a connection—or rule one out.

As much as I’m hesitant about it, I know I’ll end up talking to B again. It’s part of the experiment, right?To challenge myself and stay open, even when I’m nervous they’re not the one.If nothing else, I’ll know I gave it a fair shot, and I won’t leave here with any regrets.

And who knows? Maybe this time I’ll figure out what they saw in me that made them want to match in the first place.

7

BLAKE

Producer:Describe your ideal partner.

Blake:Um, I’m not sure… I’ve never had a specific type before. That’s why I wasn’t worried about coming on this show—hair color, height, curves, doesn’t matter. I’ve never had a preference.

“Five fucking matches? That’s it?” I question out loud, because seriously,what the fuck.I should have ten. “Why wouldn’t people want to keep talking to me? I’m a cool guy,” I insist, talking to the cameras. I’m sure they’ll use this footage, and I don’t want to come across like a completely conceited asshole, so I try to spin my reaction with some humor. I turn to where there’s obviously a camera built into the wall above the television and look straight at it. “You guys like me, right?” I ask with a pleading smile, shrugging my shoulders.

Fuck. I seriously need to focus though. I’m counting on walking away from this show as a married man.I can’t get kicked off because no one likes me on day fucking one.Deep breaths, remember what your coaches always told you.You can’t win if your head isn’t in the game.

I just need to concentrate on building connections with everyone who’s left. The person I’m going to marry is on this list, and it doesn’t matter how many other people didn’t want to keep talking to me—because they did, and that’s who I’m meant for.

I force a more relaxed smile on my face as I compare the initials that are on my screen with my notes. “My top three all matched, so that’s awesome,” I say as I confirm them. “I definitely want to continue exploring my connection with everyone on this list. There’s no use waiting around for them to make the first move. I’ll send them all a message, so they know I’m interested,” I narrate as I open the message app.Not to brag, but I feel like I’m really nailing this reality TV contestant thing.

I send the same message to everyone:

BB

Hey! I’m so glad that we both recognized the potential in this connection. I would love to set up another date if you’re interested or to keep chatting here if you would prefer that first.

We have the option to send an invite link where they can see our availability to schedule a date. It’s super convenient so that you don’t need to ever tell someone you’re booked with another date when they want to meet.These producers really thought of everything.

I send all five of them an invite with my message so that they can schedule something that works for them. RR responds to my message almost immediately.

RR

Hey B! I’m so glad that you felt our connection too! I scheduled another date. See you soon xoxo

Now that’s the kind of response I’m hoping for from everyone!I’m glad that I wasn’t completely off-base assuming people would want to talk to me. MW, JH, and TS also respond fairly quickly confirming dates for tonight or early tomorrow.

After about thirty minutes, I realize that not everyone has replied. “LM hasn’t responded,” I say out loud as I check my calendar to see if they scheduled something without sending a message. But nope. I pull up my message to make sure it sent and see that it was read almost immediately after I sent it.That’s weird. “If we matched, I’m assuming they want to keep talking,” I say.Why would they ignore me? “Maybe they got caught up in a conversation with someone else and plan to respond later,” I think aloud.

I don’t like waiting around, though, picturing them bonding with someone else. I also have a date scheduled in about fifteen minutes so I don’t delay. “I’ll send another message and pull their attention back to me,” I tell the camera.

BB

Already change your mind about me?

I can see them read the message and am on the edge of my seat, waiting for a reply. They sure are taking their time.Fuck, did they actually change their mind? I was going for teasing, but maybe they think that was pushy.

BB

Sorry, I meant that in a flirty teasing way, but now I’m worried you think I was trying to pressure you into something you don’t want to do.

My leg is bouncing up and down as I see the indicator that they’re typing.Did I already fuck this up? How am I so bad at dating?

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