Page 72 of The Reality of Wanting Him

I can tell he’s angry, but if we’re doing this, I know I need toask the questions I’ve been stewing over the last few days. I need to know exactly what happened. “Did you know?”

His brows furrow, clearly confused by my question. “Know what?”

“That she was going to say that to me? Threaten to cut you off anyway if I married you?”

His expression hardens, and I see realization dawn in his eyes.

“No.” He huffs. “Absolutely not. I had no idea she even said that until right now. I had no clue she was going to speak to you at all.” He stands up a little straighter. “Is that why you left, babe? Because she threatened to cut me off if we went through with it?”

No, you lied to me. You never really wanted me, you just wanted your money.I’m trying to remind myself of the real problem here. Sure, what his mom did was shitty, but he’s the one who hid the ultimatum from me in the first place. If he ever truly wanted our relationship to last, he would have been honest with me about it. We talked about money, and he had plenty of opportunities to come clean after we’d gotten serious. I told him how much honesty mattered to me. He knew and he still chose not to tell me.

It’s hard to focus on that, though, when his handsome features are filled with what looks like genuine longing, like he wants this conversation to actually resolve things between us and not just ease his guilty conscience.

I’m… confused.

I can’t help but feel a little ashamed, either. I probably should have stayed to talk things through more, even if I knew we couldn’t get married that day. I wasn’t going to be in a place to walk down the aisle, the news was too shocking, and I just needed to get away from the cameras. But should I have told him what his mom said?

I nod, numbly, before finding my voice again. “It was part of it.” He’s looking at me with so much hope, but I can’t forget the rest of why I left. “But the main problem was you lying, Blake. You made me feel like a pawn in your scheme to keep your family’s money. How was I supposed to feel, when I told you honesty was so important to me, and you never told me about this huge thing? I assumed you only dated me, a man, because of the money. How can I trust what was real and what was you manipulating me to agree to marry you so that you could fulfil the ultimatum requirement?”

“It stopped being about the money a long time ago, Liam,” he assures me. “I swear to you, I don’t care about any of that. My dad admitted that he wasn’t going to cut me off after I confronted them.” He swallows hard and grabs my hands, looking me in the eyes. “But Iwillgive it up. Every penny. If you need me to do that to prove that you’re what’s important to me, I’ll give it all up.”

His voice cracks, and I know what that offer would mean for him. Losing his wealth would change his entire way of life.Is he serious?What could he possibly have to gain from promising me that?

Other than another chance to be with me…could he really mean it? Was what we had real after all?

“Please, L. I will do anything to prove to you that you’re what really matters to me. I choose you, Liam. I promise I willalwayschoose you—over money, over anyone else. I just wantyou. Everything we shared was real, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t do enough to make you believe that, that what she said was enough to plant doubt in your mind.”

His voice is breaking more and more with each plea. Part of me wants to reach out and pull him into my arms to comfort him, but I don’t move.

“I don’t care what it takes,” he continues. “I’ll donate it. I’ll put it in a fund for the farm. Anything. You tell me what youwant me to do, and I’ll do it. The only thing I need is you. Just you.”

I exhale slowly. I want what he’s saying to be real so badly. I want to be able to believe him and forget all about the last few days.

But it isn’t that simple, and there’s something I still need to understand.

“Why did you come on the show, Blake?”

He swallows and steadies himself. “The money,” he admits. “I won’t pretend like it wasn’t my reason for signing up. Chad was the only one who knew about the ultimatum. He mentioned the show when he saw how much I was struggling with dating. At the time, I figured, why not? I’d get married to some girl that was only looking for a husband anyway, and we’d have the money and be happy enough. But then I met you, and I knew that kind of aimless future would never really be enough. I met you and everything changed becauseyou’reitfor me, Liam. No one else.”

He looks sheepish as he steadies himself to say the next part, and the guilty look on his face has my gut sinking.

“I need to say this because I’m promising complete honesty, but please know I love you exactly the way you are, Liam.” He swallows and lets out a deep breath, obviously nervous to say whatever he’s about to.

I hate this.I want to believe that this whole breakup has been a misunderstanding, but I need to hear everything before I let myself hope.

“When I found out I matched with you, a man, I thought about leaving. I really did. And while the money definitely crossed my mind, the louder thought was how excited I was about the relationship I’d been building with you, Liam. I wasn’t ready for it to end. I thought to myself,how different could it really be?You were still the same person I wanted to stay up allnight talking to, the person I’d really grown to care about, and I knew I wanted to stay foryou.”

The tears that haven’t stopped for long since I left the city threaten to fall again, but I have to get through this. “And?” I push.

“And it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. The money became totally and completely irrelevant, becauseI love you,Liam,and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t care about your gender, I care about who you are, how kind and strong and independent you are. I care more about seeing your smile and earning your laughs than I ever did about my life in the city. I love everything about you.” He swipes a hand through his hair then looks me right in my eyes, begging me to believe him. “I still want this, if you’ll have me. I’m sorry things got so fucked up, but I will prove to you every day for the rest of our lives how serious I am about you.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. I can’t look at his desperate expression while I process this. I’m still hurting, but it suddenly feels a little easier to breathe.

Ten minutes ago, I was trying to forget all about him.Can we really move on that easily? Can I trust him again after one conversation?This is about more than a simple miscommunication, trust goes so much deeper than that, and I think this whole thing has highlighted some of my own insecurities and unhealthy trauma responses. If we jump back into a serious relationship like nothing bad had happened, I don’t think that would be setting ourselves up for a very healthy relationship. Taking a deep breath, I try to keep my voice steady as I make a decision. “I believe you, I just… I need more time.”

Blake nods immediately. “I know. I didn’t expect you to forgive me right away. That’s why I’m staying with your dad.”

“You’re what?”I ask, convinced I misheard.

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