Page 67 of The Reality of Wanting Him

Has his real search for happiness been about the money all along?

The weight of all my past insecurities comes rushing back in full force. The feeling of not being enough. Of being someone’s second choice, of being the backup plan.

Now, of being the mark to manipulate in the name of money. Clearly this conversation is over, so I walk past her, needing to find Blake.I need him to tell me this isn’t true.That there was no ultimatum that led to him deciding to be with a man for the first time instead of just ending it when we met.

When I make it to his room at the end of the hall, I push the door open and he instantly smiles when he sees me.That fucking smile.He’s already in his tux, and he looks like my biggest fantasy.

But I can’t let him distract me, I need to ask. Need to know.

“Hey, babe, what are you?—”

I don’t let him finish. I can’t get sucked in by his disarming smile and cheery tone. I need to ignore his charm. I need to get this out. “Did your parents give you an ultimatum? That you had to get married by thirty or they’d cut you off?”

He stills.

Completely freezes.

And I have my answer.

Ineedhim to deny it. To immediately say, “no, of course not,” but the way he’s looking at me, completely shocked, guilt shining in his eyes, he might as well have ripped my heart out and stomped on it.

“Liam, just—just let me explain?—”

“Did they?” I bite out.

Blake exhales like he’s trying to delay the inevitable. “Well, technically, but?—”

I can’t do this.If he says anything else, I can’t hear it above the static in my head, the swarm of emotions of shock and anger and hurt that flood my system.I can’t believe I was about to marry someone who only agreed in the first place because it’s what he thought would be the easiest way to get money.

“I can’t do this,” I barely manage to say above a whisper. Blake’s eyes widen in panic, but I don’t let him speak. “I can’t, Blake. I can’t do this right now. This is a huge bomb to drop on me on our wedding day.”

The cameras are pointed at us, and I need to get away from them. I can’t take the scrutiny for a second longer. I already feel like an idiot, I won’t let them draw this out and make it even more embarrassing.

Blake moves forward to reach out to me, but I step back. “Please, don’t,” I plead. “I just… I need to go.”

“Go where?” His voice sounds panicked too.But is he upset that I’m leaving? Or does he think he’ll lose his money if I do?Little does he know the new twist his mom just threw in there—that if I do marry him, he’ll lose it all anyway.

Was he just never going to tell me?What was his plan in all of this? Marry me, get the money, pretend to be happy on my family’s farm just long enough to serve me divorce papers and cash out? Stay until he could run back to his fancy condo in the city where he could laugh about it with his friends? “Remember that one time I married a guy to prove to my parents that they shouldn’t cut me off?Ha-ha, so fucking funny.”

Blake looks so upset, and I want to believe it’s at the idea of losing me, but this has all been too much to process at once, and I know that there’s no way I’ll be able to calm down enough to rationally make any major life decisions anytime soon.Like getting married.I need to get away from all of this right now and get some fucking air.

I shake my head. “I don’t know. I just know that I can’t marry you today. I can’t say yes to someone who doesn’t choose me for me with no ulterior motive.” I wipe the tears from my eyes, knowing that I’m about to leave here unmarried today. “I just wish you told me.”

Before he can say anything else, I walk out of his room. Then I practically run out of the hotel and into the street. I need to get away from those fucking cameras, I need space to breathe before I figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to do now.

31

BLAKE

Cameraperson:Fuck. I didnotsee that coming.

Producer:Shut up and keep filming.

“Ijust know that I can’t marry you today. I can’t say yes to someone who doesn’t choose me for me with no ulterior motive.”Liam’s words echo in my head like a broken record, but no matter how many times I replay what just happened, I can’t believe it’s real.

I was so happy only a few minutes ago, so excited to marry him and start our lives together. I look down at the blue tux I just finished putting on. I'm supposed to marry him wearing this. We picked coordinating outfits. We looked hot as fuck standing next to each other at the boutique. Trying them on for our friends was fun, silly, and such a great memory.

How could he think I don’t want him?

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