Page 60 of The Reality of Wanting Him

“I love you, Blake, and you deserve a proposal too. I love the way you fit right in on the farm, how you fit into my life like you were always meant to be here. I love the way you love me. I never knew it could be like this—this easy, this right.”

Blake’s eyes shine as he looks at me and I give his hand a little squeeze.

“So, I’m asking you to stay,” I continue. “To keep buildingthis life with me. To keep being the best part of every day. To be my husband. To live here on this farm and build a future with me.” I swallow hard, emotion thick in my throat. “Marry me, Blake. Be my forever.”

Blake’s already nodding before I even finish speaking, happiness shining in his eyes. “Yes, of course I’ll marry you, babe. You know that, but thank you. I’m actually really glad that you proposed too. This is all so much better than anything I could have imagined a few weeks ago. I didn’t expect this to feel so special.”

I knew he’d say yes.I mean, he literally just proposed to me,but it still feels so surreal. I just needed him to have this moment, too. To feel just as wanted and chosen as he’s made me feel.

I slide the ring onto his finger and it fits perfectly, like it was always meant to be his.

I smile to myself as I lean in, capturing his mouth with mine again. I keep it PG—well, mostly. There’s definitely some tongue. But I’m painfully aware of the cameras still hovering around us, and the last thing I need is for one of them to clear their damn throats and once again ruin the moment with my fiancé.

My fiancé.

Damn, I like the sound of that.

We break apart and Blake has the biggest grin on his face as he says, “Well, I guess it’s time to plan a wedding!”

The next twenty-four hours fly by on the farm, mostly consisting of Blake continuing to spend all his free time with the chickens. He tells them all about Lucky, and he’s got some absolutely ridiculous ideas that I’m positive have all come from social media.He seriously suggests getting tiny pants for the chickens.

“You know they make them, right?” he says, like I’m shaking my head because I doubt him, not because it’s a ridiculous suggestion.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and laugh despite myself as I ask, “Blake. Why do the chickens need pants?”

He gasps dramatically, like I’m the one suggesting a crazy idea. “You wouldn’t understand, Liam. They deserve fashion and self-expression too.”

Apparently, this is also the moment that I find out my dad is now on Blake’s side because he laughs throughout the conversation and tells Blake he’d love to see it.

This is my life now.

But despite Blake’s obsession with being the chickens’ daddy, we’re able to squeeze in everything we need to before heading back into the city. My dad gives both of us big hugs before we go and tells us he’ll see us in two weeks for the wedding.

It still doesn’t feel real.

Now, we’re back at the fancy hotel the show is using as their headquarters in the city, and I think it’ll end up being the wedding venue too. I’m sure the hotel will be thrilled for the exposure if the show ends up being popular. The producers have a lot of stuff planned for us to prepare for the big days, and as much as I would prefer to be back on the farm with Blake, I have to admit it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of the show, especially now that the hard part is over. I’ve already found my person. We’re engaged. Now I can enjoy all the over-the-top wedding related stuff that I probably never would have experienced if I got married in my small town.

They make it seem like we have so much to do, but most of it is just picking from the preselected options they’ve had set up for us—venues within the hotel, catering, floral arrangements—all of which Blake has endless opinions on. I’m sure the audience will be entertained at how this man, who thought he was straight mere weeks ago, has now decided he needs “subtle rainbow decor wherever possible.” I have no idea how that’sgoing to turn out, but I’m happy to let him take the lead and give my opinions when he asks.

I’d really do anything to make this man happy.

Despite my excitement, I can’t deny that a part of me is still waiting for something to go wrong. It’s not Blake, I’m sure that I want to marry him, but I can’t get rid of this gnawing anxiety in my gut that something isn’t right. Maybe it’s just being in such a fancy setting where I feel so out of place when I’d always assumed I would get married on the farm. Or that we’re doing all this planning away from my dad. I don’t need a ballroom or whatever they’re pushing on us, but I remind myself the farm isn’t an option. I’m already thinking about how we can do something special there by ourselves that would be just for us when the big production is all said and done.

I’m grateful for the show bringing us together, so if that means we end up with a bougie rainbow wedding in the city, and if it makes Blake happy, then I’m happy to do it. At the end of the day, I’ll be marrying the man of my dreams and that’s what really matters.

Today, the show is going to film us making calls to friends and family, finalizing the guest list, and getting our tuxes. I’m probably most excited about that because we actually get to do something outside of the hotel. It feels like they just keep dragging us from vendor to vendor in the same building, and I’m over it.

I’m really glad they aren’t forcing all the men still left on the show to shop together. I really don’t care to pretend about most of their tuxes. However, the producers did like the idea of us inviting some of the other contestants to our appointment as a part of our friends and family list if we wanted to.

I shoot Jace a text. I feel like we really bonded in a way that I haven’t been able to when attempting to maintain friendships as an adult. After meeting so many of Blake’s friends during his hometown visit, I was reminded of the fact that most of myinteractions with people in my day-to-day life are related to the farm in one way or another. As much as he’s looking for that sense of family that he’s missing, I’ve realized that maybe I should have been investing more time into my friendships. Some of my friends have confirmed they can make it to the wedding, but none of them are in town yet. It’ll be nice to feel like I have friends at the appointment that are there for me too.

Liam:

You free to tux shop?

Jace:

You never told me how the proposal went, just that you were engaged, give me the details!

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