Page 51 of The Reality of Wanting Him

We’re almost at Liam’s farm, and despite the three-hour car ride to get here, my excitement hasn’t faded. He keeps making comments about how “simple,” “old,” and “run down” parts of their property are, and he’s reminded me multiple times to “lower my expectations,” so I’m trying to contain how outwardly eager I am to finally see it.

Not sure how successful I am as my leg bounces up and down in my seat.

Liam and I are in the back of the car, a producer andcameraperson up front, and they have a few cameras set up in the car itself to record our conversations and reactions. I’m pretty used to the whole camera thing by now, though, so it's easy to ignore them and focus on Liam. I wish we could have brought Lucky with us today, but the producers requested that she stay back in the city, so she’s with Chad again.

“We’re almost there. That’s our neighbor’s property,” he says, pointing at a dirt driveway on the narrow country road. “It’s just an older couple living there now, all their kids have moved away. They don’t farm anymore, but I try to help them out if they need anything.” He shifts in his seat, fiddling with a loose thread on one of his shirt’s buttons as he looks around. “And the house across the road is where the highschooler lives who's been helping out my dad while I’ve been doing the show. He’s a good kid, a senior now, and his family’s property hasn’t been used for farming for the last few generations, but he’s a huge help.”

My smile couldn’t possibly be bigger. It’s so cute to see Liam nervously ramble on when he’s usually so sure of himself. I also love hearing about his life and getting to add a visual to some of the people and places he’s told me about.

We finally pull into the driveway of what must be Liam’s farm. There’s a fence bordering the property that’s made of mismatched wooden posts, like it’s been repaired over the years with different materials. We’re driving really slowly now as he points out everything.

“That’s my dad’s house. It was his grandparents’ when they first bought the farm, and has been passed down in the family since,” he explains as we pass an older white farmhouse not far from the main road. “But my dad wanted me to have my own space, so we built my house a few years ago. It’s deeper on the property so you can’t see it from here. And that red building used to be stables when my grandpa had horses and cows, but we just have the chickens now, so we mostly use it for storage.”

Sure, everything could definitely use a fresh coat of paint, but it’s all even better than I’d hoped. There’s real history here, each peeling layer representing a chapter in his family’s legacy.I’d love to be a part of that.I’ve never felt that way with my own family’s polished-to-perfection impersonal properties. They could belong to anyone with money. None of them hold the memories that this farm clearly does.

“The smaller barn near the entrance is where we pack and have people pick up their produce for that community program I told you about—the one where people buy a subscription to our farm and come each week to get the food we grow directly from us.”

I nod along, trying to pay attention as he explains everything, but I can’t focus on any one thing for too long. The property is gorgeous, huge trees surround the area, but a lot of the land has obviously been cleared, I’m assuming to grow food. I can’t tell what they’re growing or if it’s even the right season for that sort of thing, but there’s a lot of dirt so I think that would probably be where the food grows.I’m going to be such a great farmer.

“Where are the chickens?” I excitedly ask when I can’t hold back any longer.

Liam chuckles. “The coop is set further back that way.” He points down a fork in the road that seems to connect all the buildings on the property. There’s another building within a large fenced-in field, but that fence looks like it’s got metal mesh or something between the posts.There’s actual real-life chickens running around.

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, it’s real! Why are we driving away from them? The chickens need to meet their new daddy!”

Liam bursts out laughing. “I thought maybe you’d want to see my house? You know, the one you’ve mentioned wanting to move into multiple times?”

“Liam. Honey. Lover of mine. I don’t think you understand.There’s actual real-life chickens. Right over there!Plus, youliterally built your fucking house. That automatically means I love it. I don’t need to see it to know I want to live here.”

“Lover of mine?” he repeats back like I just spoke a foreign language.

“Uh, yeah, that's what you are. Would you prefer I shorten it and just call youlover?” I say as dramatically as I possibly can, really drawing out the L and waggling my eyebrows. “In fact, I think I will. If I’m your ‘straight boy,’ I think you get to be my ‘lover.’ ”

Liam groans, but he can’t suppress his smile. “Whatever, let’s let ‘daddy’ meet his new chickens,” he teases, instructing the driver to pull over.

The car isn’t even turned off and I’m jogging toward the coop. I’m careful as I open the fence, not wanting any of my precious babies to escape. They immediately flock around me, and the squeal that escapes me at their attention would be embarrassing if I wasn’t so completely focused on taking them in.

I immediately drop to my knees, careful to avoid any of the chickens, so that I’m closer to their level. “Hello, everyone. Wow, it is such an honor to meet you all! I’m Blake, but you can call me daddy.”

They’re all vying for my attention with their cute little squawks, poking me with their beaks, saying hello. It’s everything I’d hoped this moment would be, and so much more. “This is amazing, there’s so many of you! And you’re gorgeous, I had no idea how many different colors chickens can be! Don’t worry though, your other dad is going to teach me everything that I need to know to take care of you, and I’m going to build you the biggest, nicest coop that money can buy. Well, I probably won’t do much of the actual construction, but your dad is great at that stuff, so I’m sure it will be amazing. We’ll make such a good team.”

Their coop seems pretty shabby to me. I’m confident Liam is a great chicken dad so I know it serves its purpose, but I’d stilllike for them to have somewhere they can be proud to live.It’ll probably help egg production, too, if the chickens feel appreciated in a fancy new home, right?

“You do know that the camera guy followed you and this little introduction will probably be all over the internet when the show airs, right?” Liam says with a bright tone, obviously amused by my display.

“Do you hear that, babies? You’re going to be famous!” I’m trying to pet as many of them as I can, not wanting any of them to feel neglected. I’m already in love with them all. Liam finally joins me in the fenced-in area and picks up a chicken, showing me how to hold them. Choosing just one to hold is stressful, but I remind myself that there’s no rush, I’ll have the rest of my life to get to know each and every one of these precious birds. Then my heart sinks right to the grass as Liam fucking tosses the chicken he’s holding into the air.

“Stop!” The scream I let out is a much higher pitch than I’ve heard it before. But instead of crashing to its death like I had feared, the chicken flaps its wings and glides back to the ground, and to my immense relief, is completely unharmed.

“What’s wrong?” Liam obviously doesn’t understand my reaction to him throwing the chicken because,well, I guess it was a stupid reaction.

I look down at the chicken in my large hands, hoping Liam won’t judge me too much for my answer. “I thought maybe they were like penguins, and didn’t know they could fly,” I mutter.

He doesn’t laugh like I expect, though. “Oh, baby.” His tone is soothing as he reassures me, like he regrets causing my panic. “I would never hurt one of the chickens.” He comes up behind me to wrap his arms around my waist, placing his chin on my shoulder.

“Thank god.”

“Should I be offended that you wanted to greet the hens before me?” a deep voice I don’t recognize calls out.

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