Page 18 of The Reality of Wanting Him

It might be kind of lazy, but I requested the same activity forall my dates. I want to see how each of them reacts to the same setup.Plus, I think doing a puzzle says a lot about a person.

I did pick a different puzzle for each date, though, but I made sure we’d both be working on matching ones. That way, it still feels like we’re doing it together.

“A puzzle?” RR asks as soon as we’re both in our rooms.

“Yeah, I thought it could be fun to work on together.”

“Umm, okay. I asked them to set up fondue, do you have some?”

“Yup! The chocolate looks great. Should we do that first so the puzzle doesn’t get dirty?”

“Sure.”

I pick up a strawberry and dip it in some chocolate. “So why fondue?” I ask.

“I forgot to ask for chocolate on my grocery list and I was craving it. No special reason,” they say, followed by what I now know to be the distorted sound of a laugh through the voice changer.

“Valid,” I agree. But, I’m also kind of disappointed that thereisn’tsomething deeper. I still feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface with R.

We enjoy the fondue and move on to the puzzle. They don't seem super into it or anything, but they make some comments while we’re talking that make it clear they’re actually working on it. We also talk about vacations, but they seem more focused on which of their vacation posts got the most likes on social media than what they actually enjoyed during their travels. I’ve always appreciated social media and sharing my experiences with other people, but not at the expense of those experiences. I finish the puzzle well before our time is up and try to focus on talking.

“So, do you want kids?” they ask.

I perk up a bit.Finally something real.“For sure. I’ve always thought about what I would do differently than my parents. I’mnot in a rush or anything, but eventually I do,” I say. I’m not trying to be intentionally leading with my answer, but after I’ve said it, I wait to see if they’ll ask me about my parents or what I’d do differently.

Instead they reply with, “I think I want two kids, but I also don’t want them right away or anything.”

Not quite as deep as I was hoping, but still great to know. Our time is up, so we say our goodbyes. I have my date with MW soon, but the producers ask me to go back to the main area of my apartment so they can set up for the next date. I drink some water, and they eventually give me the okay to come back in.

“Oh, there’s a puzzle here?” MW asks when they join the call.

“Yeah, I thought it could be fun to work on together.”

“But we’re not even together, this will take forever by myself.”

“I just thought it would be nice to be doing the same thing even if we’re in different rooms,” I explain.

“Okay. Well, I thought it would be fun to share some wine,” they say.

I eye the bottle and glass that are set up for me wearily. I’m not usually one to turn down drinking, but it’s only my second date of the day.I don’t want to judge M—maybe this is their last one, and they figured a drink would help us open up a little.Nice in theory, but I’m not about to risk messing up my date with L just because I got a little buzzed with someone else.

Besides, I should probably get along with my future partner sober. I’ve done enough drinking in my single days, I think I might actually be ready to focus on more important things, whenever I figure out what they are.Holy shit, do I actually want to be better for someone else? Is this what my dad meant about finding purpose in a relationship? I shake off that disturbing thought and focus on my date.

I hear the cork pop on M’s end, and debate opening mine so that they won’t realize I’m not drinking, but decide against it. They don’t call me out on not opening it, and I’d rather some producer enjoy the unopened bottle later than waste the entire thing.

M definitely enjoys the wine, bringing up different wine tastings they’ve been to and what they know about this bottle, but when I ask if they’ve started the puzzle, they make a noncommittal noise and I’m pretty sure they never even open it. They do a lot of talking about themself and their friends and family. I’m a little impressed that they’re able to keep all the details vague enough not to give away their gender or age, even as their topics get more and more random—and they obviously enjoy more and more of the wine.

I’m relieved when it’s finally over, and I wish them well, but I think our ignored date ideas make it clear that we’re not on the same page.

I take another short break before my date with LM. I’m so glad this is my last date of the night so I can end on a high note after the second one was such a flop.

“A puzzle?” L asks when we’re both in our rooms.

“Yeah, I thought it could be fun to work on together,” I explain for the third time today.

“Awesome. I also brought something for us to do together. Great minds,” they say, making me laugh as I let out a sigh of relief.

“So do you paint?” I ask, looking down at the art supplies in front of me.

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