Page 15 of Beyond Hate

But that didn’t stop me from falling asleep in his arms last night. It didn’t stop me from feeling his kiss still pressed against my mouth when I woke up this morning.

It didn’t stop me from some weird, misaligned sensation that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. All those pieces of me that had been missing my entire life, all the parts of me that had felt broken and empty…

For just a second, for one blissful second, they’d all clicked into place when I’d felt his mouth against mine. It was like, in the darkness of the room, I was seeing color for the first time. Like I’d finally figured out how to take a full breath.

And…

I was inhaling a threat, the promise ofdeath. I was breathing in hate.

It still didn’t stop me from pressing myself against him when he held me, and letting myself float on some fucked-up sea of fear and contentment.

I really was messed up.Affection starved.

With him gone now, though, I could think more clearly.

I had to figure out a way to get out of here. I had to figure out a way to make him let me go.

“Go to what?” I muttered as soon as the thought flicked through my mind. The apartment was under Hudson’s name. I didn’t have any money.

I didn’t have anywhere to go.

I had nothing.

Nothing, except…

Like he could hear me—or maybe he’d been waiting for me to wake up—Otto came into the room with another tray of food. I tensed as soon as I saw him, drawing in on myself as much as I could. I brought my knees to my chest, like that was enough of a barrier between us to actually keep me safe.

He’d made it obvious last night that he could do whatever he wanted to me, and I was trying to convince myself it was just my body’s fucked-up self-defense mechanism that folded like a wet paper towel—if he wanted me, maybe he wouldn’t kill me.

It didn’t have anything to do with that brief flash of serenity I’d felt… with that shining burst ofwholenessthat tried to snake its way through my logic.

Otto wanted to hurt me.

Past lives didn’t exist. He was crazy, and I…

“How’d you sleep, London?” The smoothness of his voice was the echo of a demon, because the smile on his lips told me he already had his answer.

He knew, because he’d been here.

He knew because the bed had still been warm when I’d woken up.

I looked up at him almost helplessly, like that could somehow change what had happened, change the way I’d reacted to him. Like it could alter the fact that clinging to him while he told me he wanted to erase me from existence was fucked up, but I’d sleptbetterthan I had in years in the circle of his arms.

And Otto just smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed and offering me a piece of toast. When I hesitated, his gaze flicked to the other men in the room. The one chained to the wall had his eyes closed—whatever Otto had done to him last time had really pushed him over the edge.

The other was staring at us from his bed, his expression almost accusatory.

I hadn’t even thought about the fact that there were people in the room with us last night, and they could probably hear every little noise I made, every low moan I’d done my best and failed to keep in.

My face was suddenly burning when I glanced in the direction of the one who was still coherent. It was the man chained to the wall, though, who spoke in a ragged voice. After all the screaming he’d done, I was surprised he still had the ability to speak at all.

“Always going to be his whore, aren’t you, Nikki? Doesn’t matter what life—” He coughed, and it sounded wet… but my eyes weren’t on him anymore.

I watched in horror as the almost soft look on Otto’s face melted away to a cold rage beating against a deceptively calmexpression. I still tried to stutter out words that could save the man who’d just insulted me. “I’m not… I-I… my… my name is…”

Oh, God. It didn’t matter. Otto’s attention swung around to the man, and I saw the knife in his hand as he stood. It flashed in the too bright light of the room and told me something terrible was about to happen. For just a second, that catlike gaze turned back to me.

“His name is London.” Otto finished the sentence for me, making my heart feel like it was going to seize in my chest. “Don’t worry, though, brother. You could have just told me you were jealous.” His eyes stayed on me as he spoke, searching my expression, drinking down the terror written clearly on my features. “You have my full and undivided attention today. It’s about time I showed London what we’re really here for anyway.”

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