Page 58 of Beyond Hate

“You shouldn’t. Just feel me instead. You didn’t do anything wrong.” And he hadn’t. It was me—it was all me—and I waswilling to take the sin and a ticket straight to hell if it meant I could make him feel good.

I was willing to do anything to keep London pressed to my chest, so I could lull myself to sleep with the soft thrumming beat of his heart.

“I… okay. Okay. It’s okay, though, right? You can…”

I knew what he was asking. “I can take care of it.” I was good at hiding bodies.

“Do you need—”

“No. I’ll handle it. Just…” I stroked my fingers through his hair and tugged gently to raise his face to mine. When I leaned down to kiss him, I could taste the salty mixture of our cum still on his tongue. It was nearly enough to make me roll him beneath me so I could fuck him properly… but honestly, I wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.

I wasn’t sure I’d be able to control myself if I did it.

I settled on kissing him until he was shivering, then I leaned down to pull the blanket over both of us.

“Rest, London. We’ll worry about everything else in the morning.”

Apparently that sounded good to him, because he nodded and nuzzled down onto my chest. I realized he’d settled himself over the soft beat of my heart when he finally let out a sigh and his body relaxed into me.

He really was too pure for our past, too sweet for the world I lived in now… and too perfect for me to ever let him go.

The feel of metal clicking on my wrist woke me.

The soft smile on London’s face was sweet, playful. His eyes drifted between my chained wrist and my frown.

“I need to go to work.”

“You don’t need to go anywhere.” Could he hear the soft undercurrent of a threat in my voice? I yanked carefully on the cuffs—I’d be able to get out of them, but he was getting dressed faster than I could manage.

“I do. Even if it’s just to let Til know that I can’t come in for a while. It’s okay, Otto… I’m… I’m actually okay.” He looked a little guilty when he said it, but his fingers lifted, brushing against his lips like he was remembering the taste of us, and he shivered. “Don’t worry.” The corner of his mouth lifted into the prettiest smile that had no place on the face of someone who had seen his ex-boyfriend get murdered. “You know where I’ll be.”

He wasn’t running off. He wasn’t leaving me, but this did feel like payback for the way I’d left him. London lifted a hand and waved as he turned, stealing my jacket as he walked out the door.

Oh, he wasfuckedwhen I got out of these handcuffs.

Chapter 21

London

Iwasdefinitelygoingto Hell, because I felt lighter than I had in years. It wasn’t because I’d been worried about Hudson hurting me. It wasn’t because there’d been some part of me weighed down by knowing he was still alive.

It was because of the way Otto looked at me—the way his mouth had felt pressed against mine… the way he murmured softly when he thought I was asleep that he wanted to keep me.

It was the way, even though it was fucked up, that Otto calling mehiswhile he’d killed Hudson made me feel safer than I’d felt my entire life.

Some part of me was realizing all the ache and longing, the reason I’d been so lost for as long as I could remember, was because a piece of me had been missing… and it was him.

It was Otto.

It didn’t have to make sense—maybe it was a trauma response to being kidnapped, or maybe it really was fate and past lives. I just knew what I felt… and I’d spent too long not feeling it to question it now that I had it.

For some reason, I trusted Otto. He’d had every chance to hurt me, and all he’d done was hurt other people instead.

So yeah, maybe I was fucked up… but if it meant I got to keep Otto and the way his twisted obsession with me made me feel, I was ready to stay fucked up.

Speaking of Otto, I knew he was probably going to show up at work tonight. I was under no illusion that leaving him handcuffed in that room would keep him there and waiting for me. Since Til was surprised I’d shown up at all after what had happened, he didn’t question it when I suggested I refrain from dealing with any private clients for the foreseeable future.

I wasn’t going to have any more innocent blood on my hands, and I was under no illusion that Otto wouldn’t repeat what had happened the last time if he saw me with someone else.

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