Page 54 of Beyond Hate

And then he leaned forward and calmly unlocked the handcuffs from the headboard, helping me to sit up.

“London… Are you okay?”

Was I?

I…

I shook my head and stood, surprised he let me push away from him. But he was watching me with careful, cautious eyes. Like he knew what he’d looked like just a second ago—like he realized what he’d just done was monstrous.

The blood spattering across my chest was still hot, and I couldn’t take the smell of it filling my nose with iron and guilt… not when some part of me washappyOtto had killed him.

Not when I was wondering for the first time if there really was a part of me that was the man Otto called Nikki.

I tore my shirt over my head and threw it onto the bed by the body, running out of the room with the handcuffs still linked around my wrists. I should have gone to the shower, maybe. I should have gone anywhere other than out the back door of the house, but I neededair.

I didn’t want to run so far that he couldn’t find me, but I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t think.

Everything was blood and death and Otto’s fury and the way he’d hissed out the wordminelike it was a brand on my soul that would follow me through every life and remind me of this moment.

This moment…

The rough bark of a tree scraped against my chest as I wrapped my arms around it, blocking the warm rain from completely washing the blood from my body. I wanted to step back so it could make me clean.

But some part of me knew this wasn’t something that water could just wash away… that this was something that stained soul deep… and I…

I let out a small scream when an arm slid around my waist and Otto pulled me back against his chest. I didn’t have to look to know he was soaked in blood too. I could smell it on him, could feel it slick against my back and warm on my skin.

Him holding me like this felt familiar, like something that happened in a dream within a dream.

Past lives.

Broken trust.

But… fuck, he’d protected me.

“Don’t be afraid, London.” His voice was a low rumble in my ear. Careful, cautious. I didn’t know if he was talking to me like a scared animal because I’d run, or because I was shaking in his arms so hard my teeth were chattering. “Did he hurt you?”

No. The word was there on the tip of my tongue, ready for me to offer it up to him. He hadn’t even squeezed my throat hard enough to make the small sob that tore from my chest ache. When I couldn’t manage to get it out, I just shook my head without turning to face him. His arms around me spasmed, and his head dropped to my shoulder so he could nuzzle his face against the side of my throat without turning to me.

“Are you afraid of me now?” His voice was lower when he asked. Husky. Almost… pained.

I was faintly aware that he was probably getting blood in my hair, but I was floating somewhere on the sensation of his warmth, the way I feltsafewith his arms around me.

I shouldn’t have felt safe.

I shouldn’t have feltanything…but…

Irecognizedthis feeling, and it suddenly clicked into place. It took two tries to push back from Otto, and when I did, his nails dug into my skin almost reluctantly before he let me go so I could turn around to face him.

“I think I knew…” I was still shaking when I turned to face him. How many times was I going to watch someone die because of me?

I was beginning to realize it didn’t matter—there wasn’t enough blood in this world to stain my hands until I let this go. Until I let him go.

It didn’t matter.

“Knew what?” Otto’s pupils were dilated, and the rain sent blood washing down his fingers in little rivulets of red. He stood a few feet away from me like he was afraid to close the distance, and I couldn’t stand it. I was the one who stepped closer, and he was the one who recoiled when I lifted my hand. It didn’t stop me from moving until I could glide my fingers over the front of his shirt, trail them up to press against his thundering heart.

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