Page 38 of Beyond Hate

It just was.

Otto was inevitable, and at that moment, I needed him to break me apart.

He fucked my throat until my vision was completely blurred with tears, until I could feel the stuttering of his hips as pleasure overtook him and he started to lose his careful, punishing rhythm. If he wasn’t so deep, I might have been able to taste it—if I wasn’t so out of it, I wondered if I’d want to.

It was getting hard to deny it. Hudson had been right, and Otto had been right.

I really was fucked up. I was so fucked up, because blissing out on the feel of Otto fucking me to the point that I couldn’t breathe was the first time I’d felt whole since he’d left me in the trees by that burning building.

Otto being here to break me apart felt better than every moment of my life I’d spent trying to hold myself together alone.

I turned my tear-streaked gaze up to his just in time to see his eyes narrow, to see his lids flutter as pleasure overtook him. I didn’t know if it was my expression or the way my throat struggled to catch breaths around his thrusts… and I didn’t really care.

I just wanted it.

I wanted whatever he was going to give me, and I didn’t have it in me to fight it anymore. My fingers on his hips spasmed once, felt weak when he buried himself and came down my throat.

He was so deep I couldn’t get a breath, so hot as he spilled that I wondered if he was going to burn right through me.

I wanted him to.

I wanted the fire to either cleanse me or prove that I was made for hell, that I was made for this..

I wanted…

My vision started to blur, sparking in and out with the thundering beat of my heart and the lack of oxygen in my lungs. Otto didn’t seem to care—he flexed his hips and stayed buried in my throat until my eyes rolled back in my head.

It took a second for me to realize when he pulled back… another to notice he was picking me up and carrying me to the couch. He laid me down, and I felt more than saw it when he kneeled beside me. His fingers were careful when they slipped through my hair, his voice a low murmur when he said something.

Good.

Fuck. It made me shudder, but I couldn’t find the strength to open my eyes as he stroked his fingers across my chest, down the length of my body. He slipped his hand beneath my pajama bottoms and pressed his lips to my ear.

“You like it when I break you, don’t you? You looked like you wanted me to kill you, London… like you would have been happy to choke on my cock.”

I would have—maybe Ididwant that. I couldn’t open my eyes to look at him, couldn’t catch my breath to say anything as he wrapped his hand around my dick and started to stroke slowly.

How could I tell him that I’d barely felt like I was living before he’d taken me? That I’d felt more alive wrapped up in the grip of fear and his fucked-up touch than I had while I was with Hudson?

How could I say that I wanted him to punish me because I’d gotten a man killed to prove to myself he was real… that I’d do it again?

I’ddo it again.

Fuck.

“Fuck…” I wasn’t sure if the word came out clear enough for him to hear it, but my body writhed and tried to rock up into histouch. It was Otto’s palm flat on my waist that kept me still, his mouth brushing up and down my cheek, slicking my skin with my own tears that kept me steady.

“You’re a mess. Maybe we both are. Maybe that’s just how we were always supposed to be. I wasn’t a killer in our past life, but you were. And now… now you’re the broken one.”

Broken.

The word made tears sting behind my lashes again, and his lips found them before they slid free, kissing softly while his palm kept up a steady rhythm that was starting to make my body burn. I was trembling with the build of pleasure rippling through me, too guilty to let myself feel it, too fucked up and fucked out to push him away so I could stop him.

“Please…” I murmured, turning my head and finally opening my eyes. He was blurry, inches from me, and his face was… soft.

Curious.

I wasn’t even sure what I was asking for, and it didn’t really matter when he pressed his lips to my ear again.

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