Page 25 of Beyond Hate

I left him there in the clearing, far enough away from the building that I knew he’d be safe until I could hunt him down.

Safe from the bullets.

Safe from the fire I could see blossoming in the distance.

Safe from Nathaniel West and the men who’d come to kill him…

And most of all, safe from me. Safe until I got control. Safe until I could reconcile the scared rabbit in front of me with the image of Nikki watching me die that burned behind my lids. Safe from the urges of the body I was in that wanted to maim him, to cut him open and live inside his skin.

Safe enough.

Safe for now.

One Month Later

Chapter 9

London

Ihadn’tseenOttosincehe’d taken me from the facility, clinging to him in terror with the sound of bullets and screaming echoing through the hallways.

He’d looked so determined, so… protective. Sofurious.

He’d looked atmelike… fuck… like he wanted to kill me.

Like he wanted tokeepme, but he didn’t know how to do it if I wasn’t in pieces he could hold.

I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t knowwhyhe’d let me go. I didn’t understandanythingthat had happened to me over the past few weeks.

And I didn’t know how I’d somehow fallen into the exact same life I’d left when he’d taken me, like my entire world hadn’t been flipped upside down—like men hadn’t been tortured in front of me, like the person who’d done it hadn’t come into the room every night and wrapped his arms around me.

Like I hadn’tlethim.

Like I hadn’t wanted… for some fucked up reason… wanted him to… almost asked him to…

“Fuck, London. Are you even paying attention?” My eyes snapped up to Hudson. Hudson, who’d spent two hours telling me how worthless I was when I’d come back to the apartment. I’d only come to get my car keys, maybe some money that I’d put away, but somehow…

Somehow, I’d ended up staying. I didn’t know if Hudson realized I was only here because I didn’t know where else to go… because he’d found the little stash of tips I’d been saving up and he’d spent it all on fuck knows what while I was gone.

I didn’t want to be here, but in the end… I didn’t have anywhere else to go, just like before.

And Hudson had assumed I’d“finished throwing my fit”and now I was back for good.

“Sorry.” I brushed my fingers through my hair, still not used to the lighter color of the strands. I’d bleached it when I got back, like changing the color could somehow change what had happened to me.

I’d thought about going to the cops… but what would I tell them? There was a facility that was bringing dead people back to life and putting them into new bodies? It was currently full of psychopaths who were killing everyone inside. Oh, and there was also a fire and an explosion, and I was pretty sure it was all burned to the ground.

That was a great way for me to get arrested. It sounded so beyond the realm of possibility that I knew they wouldn’t believe me.

The police wouldn’t believe me, and Hudsondidn’tbelieve me. I wasn’t even sure ifIbelieved me anymore. Maybe I’d just had some kind of fit for a few weeks… It was easier to think I’d imagined it all than to believe in things like past lives and paying for the sins of a person I couldn’t remember.

Which was why I fell back into routine. Til put me on the schedule like I hadn’t been gone at all, and I opened a bankaccount to hide my tips. I picked up extra shifts so I could avoid Hudson while I tried to hammer home the fact that we weren’ttogetheranymore. He didn’t listen.

Speaking of him not listening…

“Don’t be sorry, London. Just do better.”

Just do better.

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