Page 25 of Knot Our Reality

Once again, his eyes travel to the other suitors before returning to me. “First, I want to inform you I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar I. When I was on the show before, I hadn’t been diagnosed. This isn’t an excuse for what I’m about to tell you, but to let you know it’s under control currently.”

“Okay.” I don’t know much about bipolar, but I know they’ve made some serious breakthroughs with medications for each designation that are more effective than the ones used before the Event.

“While on the show, I had a manic episode that led me to do many things I regret. The first was forcing Chase into my lap while we were on a date with Brooks and Sophia. Then fighting with Brooks—though, how we got away with that, I don’t know, since there’s no violence allowed on the set. I bruised Chase’s wrist from my hard handling, but that’s not even the worst of it,” he admits, tears filling his eyes. “The things I said to Chase…I’m ashamed of how I treated him and his pack. Really, all the suitors. I’m lucky Ulf didn’t write me off then and there.”

He swipes at his eyes, trying to hide his tears, but it’s impossible as they continue to fall down his cheeks. “It took me a full year to reach out to him and admit I needed help. I’d hit rock bottom, and I had no one else to turn to. I’m so damn lucky he picked up the phone and was willing to help me. If it wasn’t for him and Adrian, I would probably be dead right now. I lost my job almost immediately upon my return after leaving the show.

“It was for the best. Being a firefighter requires you to be able to focus, or you could end up dead or cause someone else’s death. Thank the stars they fired me before it came to that. Not that I took it well back then. I started drinking—heavily—and ended up being arrested for assault and battery after just about killing another alpha at the bar. I had no one to turn to, or so I thought, and ended up living on the streets. I started using drugs—it didn’t matter what they were. I would do anything that would help me forget my life for even a short time.

“Adrian is the one who found me on the streets. I tried to get him to leave me alone, but he wouldn’t. He dragged me off the streets and to his home, helping me detox. Then he helped me reach out to Ulf because Iknew something was wrong. I didn’t think he’d give me the time of day since I knew he was part of Sophia and Chase’s pack, but I had to try. I needed him to know just how sorry I was for what I’d done. But more than that, I needed him.

“He never hesitated. He was at work when I called, but he left right then and there. He showed up at Adrian’s place in less than a half an hour. They brought me to a facility that works with members of the Alpha Guard—past and present. By then, I was in a depressive state—ready to end it all after making things right with Ulf. I didn’t think I deserved to live, but neither of my friends would let me give up.

“I was in and out of the facility over the next year and a half as they worked to diagnose me, and then find the right combination of medications. It fucking sucked, and I’m so damn lucky that Bree and Tessa were willing to give me a second chance.” Dylan smiles as he glances over my shoulder once more. “I can’t remember the last time I felt this clearheaded. It wasn’t until I started these meds that I realized just how much of my life has been affected by my bipolar. It’s like a curtain has been hanging between me and the world that’s suddenly been lifted.”

I hesitate for only a moment before stepping closer, taking his hand in mine. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Dylan. It sounds like you’ve worked hard to get better. I assume your doctor signed off on you being on the show?”

“He did. He has a colleague that practices here in Rancho Mirage. If I feel any changes in how the medication is affecting me—and trust me, I’ll notice—I’m to see him immediately.” It’s his turn to hesitate as he glances down at me. “I understand if this is all too much for you. You already have so much going on in your life. It won’t hurt my feelings if you need to send me home, but know that I would never hurt you or your children. I have an implant that measures my brain chemistry that will alert both me and Dr. Greer if I start to slip into a manic or depressive state.”

“I won’t lie to you, Dylan. I feel for you and what you’ve gone through, but part of me is hesitant to keep you on. You’ve displayed bouts ofviolence which I will not allow my children to be exposed to.” I pause when his face falls. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to send you home. It just means you’ll have to accept that I’ll be more cautious around you for now.”

His smile lights up his face. “Of course you’d be cautious around me. You don’t know me, and you don’t just have to think of yourself. Thank you for at least giving me a chance. Although I’m not sure your other suitors will appreciate that.”

I scoff. “Well, they’ll just have to get over that real quick. I’ve been making decisions for myself for most of my life—even when I had a pack. If they think I’m going to let anyone just come into my life and tell me what to do, they have another thing coming.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he says quietly, his face growing serious once more as I choke up. “I’m sorry if I made this weird, but even after all this time, I feel like it should be acknowledged—the fact that you had a pack and lost them, I mean.”

“I…uhhh…thank you.” I squeeze his hand. “I appreciate that more than I thought I would. Before Reginald tells me we’re out of time, why don’t you tell me a little more about yourself?”

He makes a face as he shrugs. “I’m forty-four and an alpha. I’ve been in the Alpha Guard and used to be a firefighter. Currently, I’m writing a book. I don’t know if it’ll ever see the light of day, but it’s about my experiences with bipolar. It originally started as a journal that Dr. Greer suggested I start, but then it quickly became so much more.”

“That’s amazing, Dylan. That you’re trying to find a bright side to the things that have happened to you is something to acknowledge. Even if no one ever reads it, you’re doing something to help yourself and maybe others.”

Dylan ducks his head, and if I’m not mistaken, there’s a slight tinge to his skin. It’s hard to see with his darker skin tone, but I think I might have embarrassed him.

Luckily, Reginald grabs my attention, and I know it’s time to face my remaining suitors from today.

“Looks like that’s all the time we have. Are you ready to speak with the others?”

He looks over my head and shakes his head. “Not at all, but if I want a chance with you, I’ll have to.”

“That’s the spirit.” I keep hold of his hand as I turn back to the others. Bree and Tessa are no longer standing between them and us, which I’m guessing means they’ve calmed down at least somewhat.

I stop a few feet before them, Dylan standing slightly behind me. “Dylan has explained what happened when he was on the show, and why it happened. It is up to him if he chooses to share his story with you, but I will not stand for you treating him like shit. Nope. I’m not accepting any arguments on the matter either. Get on board with him being around or I’ll just spend tonight and tomorrow with him. Do you understand?”

The three of them look like they want to argue, but eventually, they all nod. Bree and Tessa stand beside them with grins on their faces, and I shake my head at them.

“Good. Now, I believe dinner is waiting for us, and I’m starving. Growing a baby is hard work, and I’m constantly in need of food.” Without waiting for them to respond, I release Dylan’s hand and start up the pathway.

Bree and Tessa sidle up to me, walking on each side of me.

“You handled that well,” Bree says quietly, and I nod.

Tessa hums. “We knew bringing Dylan onto the show would cause some issues with the other suitors. I hope you’re not pissed at us for allowing him back.”

“Of course not. He has a medical condition that he sought treatment for. That can’t be held against him for the rest of his life. I don’t know if it’s something I can add onto my plate, but I can see how genuinely sorry he is for his actions.” I shake my head. “He might not be right for me, but I won’t know unless I give him a chance, will I?”

“And that’s exactly why we chose him for you.” Bree links her arm through mine.

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