Page 51 of Knot Our Reality

He makes a good point. “That’s true, but whyHeated? Especially my season?”

“Why not your season?” He makes a face. “Surely, you haven’t had suitors who have given you a hard time about your situation, right? Because that’s fucked up if they have.”

“Oh, no. Everyone has been amazing so far. It just blows my mind that so many men would be willing to be a part of my pack. I’m fighting a man who assaulted me to keep the baby that was a result of his actions. To keep my boys, who are all I have left of the pack I lost. That’s a lot of baggage to expect others to take on.”

“And yet, we’re all here. What happened to you is beyond fucked, but it doesn’t reflect on you. What does is the fact that you’re fighting for a child you didn’t ask for. That you’re doing what you have to in order to keep your children safe.”

I just stare at him for a moment. It’s not like the other suitors haven’t said the same thing, but this man is—or at least was—a rockstar. He could have anyone in the world, and he’s here trying to win a place in my pack.

It’s mind-boggling.

“It must be overwhelming for you,” he says softly, reaching up to push my hair behind my ear. “You came here expecting us all to look at you like a burden, and that’s not at all what you’ve found. I’m glad the other suitors haven’t been dicks.”

“That they haven’t been, but you’re right. It’s not what I was expecting. None of this has gone as I thought it would,” I admit. “Can I be honest with you?”

Paxton nods. “Of course you can.”

I’m not sure why I feel the need to spill everything now. I just met this man.

Maybe it’s because I’ve mostly been bottling it up and haven’t actually dealt with it yet.

All I know is if I don’t get the words out now, I’m going to burst.

“I came onto the show expecting to find a pack of men who I could be friends with. Who could co-parent with me. Who would love my boys but understand that I’d already given my heart away. I expected to handle it like a business transaction, but as soon as I started meeting suitors? I knew that wasn’t possible any longer. I’ve been feeling things I haven’t felt in years. I’m craving things I haven’t since I lost them.” I suck in a deep breath. “I’ve missed being connected to other people—to adults. There have been people who have tried to help me over the years, but I never let anyone except my parents and my brother.

“I don’t have friends. I haven’t in a long time. My pack were my friends. I didn’t need anyone besides them. Then they were just gone. The idea of getting close to someone else was petrifying to me. I waslost for so long, and the only thing that kept me going was my sons. I wanted to follow my pack into the grave—something I don’t think I’ve ever admitted to anyone other than my therapist before now.” I swipe at the tears now streaming down my face.

“It is overwhelming because I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be what everyone needs me to be. I don’t think I even know how to be an omega anymore. It’s so hard to trust people—especially after Simon. He knew my pack. He worked with them foryears. He helped build the company from the beginning. I’ve known him for so long. If he was able to betray my trust like that, how do I know no one else will?”

My breaths are coming more rapidly now, and I know I’m on the verge of a panic attack. Unlike Remington, they’re not something I’ve ever had to deal with. It’s only because of him I even recognize the signs.

I squeeze my eyes shut, startling when I feel others pushing in around me.

“It is okay, Emilia. You are safe. We will always keep you safe.” It’s Alexei who speaks, but I know it’s Nikolai pressed against my back, his chest rumbling with a purr.

“Breathe with me.” Gavin’s words have me blinking my eyes open.

I’m staring at a chest and tilt my head back to see it’s Paxton as his purr joins Alexei’s.

My head is turned until my eyes meet Gavin’s. He lifts an eyebrow. “Can you breathe with me?”

“I-I-I…can try,” I finally manage, freaking out more now that I realize just how bad this has gotten.

Gavin takes a deep breath in, holding it before releasing it. He repeats this repeatedly as I melt between the two alphas until my breathing finally settles.

My legs just about give out on me, but Nikolai wraps his arm around me to keep me on my feet.

“Are you okay now?” Gavin asks, and I nod.

“I’m sorry. I just…” I trail off, not even sure what to say.

Nikolai’s chest rumbles with his words as his purr dies down. “You needed to speak. Speaking made you upset. Forget to breathe. It okay. We understand.”

“Emilia?” Bree’s voice breaks my stare down with Gavin, and I smile as she tries to duck around the beta.

“I’m okay. I promise. I just had a moment.” A moment that led me to cry and hyperventilate for everyone to see.

Tessa clears her throat. “Will you all step back from Emilia, please?”

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