Page 2 of Knot Our Reality

It’s not the first time I’ve had to put on my big girl pants and do something I don’t want to. In fact, I’ve had to do that a lot over the last few years. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

“Hey, Emilia.” Bree’s smile is brilliant as she walks up with Elliot on her hip. “We’ve got about ten minutes before we need to head up to the mansion so you can getready.”

“Of course. I just need to say bye to the boys.” I glance back at the kids, a genuine smile forming as I watch Hawk play with the younger kids. There are a few around his age, but he refuses to leave his brother.

He really is the best kid, and I constantly feel like I’m failing him. If I weren’t such a disaster, would he have felt the need to grow up so fast? He might be playing with the other kids, but I don’t know that he’s actually enjoying himself.

How can he be when his eyes constantly slide toward me, checking to make sure I’m okay?

No matter how many times I tell him it isn’t his job to make sure I’m fine, he doesn’t listen. I both love and hate it. I love that he cares about me and his brother so much that he wants to take care of us. On the other hand, I hate that he feels like he has to.

Hawk looks up, finding my eyes on them before calling to Jasper. He takes his brother’s hand, leading him over to me.

“Is it time for you to go, Mom?” Jasper asks, tears filling his eyes as his bottom lip wavers.

I drop to my knees without a thought, pulling him into my side and hugging him tightly. “Don’t cry, Jasper. I’m not going to be far. Bree and Tessa have promised that we can talk every night. Then, every Sunday, I get to come down to hang out with you, your brother, and your Uncle Remy’s pack. You love staying with your uncle. You probably won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“I will, Mommy,” Jasper insists, burying his face in my neck as he cries. “And I’ll miss my brother.”

When Jasper pulls back, his hands find my baby bump and rub it lightly.

I fight against my tears, knowing I need to be strong for my boys—something that’s getting harder and harder as my pregnancy progresses. Overall, it’s been an easy pregnancy—except for how emotional I’ve become.

“Your baby brother and I will miss you too, Jasper. But you’ll have Hawk with you—who you can play with. Even after your brother is born, it’ll be a while until he can play with you.”

Jasper shrugs, glancing over his shoulder at Hawk. He straightens his shoulders, sniffling as he swipes at his face and turns back to me. “It’s okay, Mommy. I’m a big boy. I’ll be fine.”

“I love you so much, Jasper.” I tug him into my side again, gesturing with my free arm for Hawk to join us. As soon as he’s close enough, I pull him to my other side and hold him close. “I love both of you so much. I know you don’t understand everything that’s going on, but you’re both so brave.”

Both boys return my hug, but Hawk is the first to pull back. He smiles, wiping away the tears I didn’t realize were falling. “We’re going to be okay, Mom. You deserve to be happy, and a pack will make you happy. Find a good one, okay?”

My heart breaks just a little bit more. I know Jasper doesn’t understand a lot of what’s going on, but Hawk? He understands more than I want him to, and I hate it.

“I will, baby. I’ll find us a good pack who will love you both.”

“And you, Mommy,” Jasper insists, leaning in to kiss my cheek. “They have to love you, too.”

Yeah…I’d actually prefer it if they didn’t. Because it’s a love I’ll never be able to return.

I hum, saying nothing because I don’t want to lie to my babies. “Be good for your Uncle Remy. He’ll tell me if you’re not.”

“Okay, Mommy.” Jasper dances from foot to foot. “Can I go play some more?”

I snort. Wasn’t he just saying how much he was going to miss me?

Kids.

“That’s up to Uncle Remy.”

Remington nods, ruffling Jasper’s blond hair that’s so much like mine and his father’s. “Of course you can. And while you’re playing, maybe I can convince Auntie Mila to make you a snack.”

“Oh, yes. Please.” Jasper’s eyes are wide. “She makes bestest food.”

“The best food,” Hawk corrects him softly, and Jasper nods his agreement before running off.

Remington shakes his head affectionately before turning to my eldest son. “You can go play too, Hawk.”

Hawk nods. “I will, but I want to talk to Mom.”

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