He stopped in front of me, eyes flicking all over my face as he looked down at me, then he opened his arms and I fell into them. He embraced me tightly, drawing me to his chest as he pressed his nose into my hair. We breathed each other in shamelessly and I tightened my fingers in the fabric of his jacket.
I’d made him stay away all week, so focused on Greer andherneeds…
But I’d needed him.
And now that I’d held him again, I didn’t know if I’d be able to let go.
But eventually, he pulled back, and I loosened the death grip on his suit.
Greer made a noise of displeasure behind me.
Cabot pulled his gaze from mine and released me. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Ms. Clements. The professor was an incredible man.” He gave me a lingering look, then stepped away from me, giving my mom a nod as he passed.
Her eyes searched mine when I finally tore my gaze away from Cabot’s back to look at her.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
Mom’s eyes narrowed but, thankfully, she didn’t argue. Instead, she slipped her hand into mine and pulled me close to her side.
Eventually, after the last of the mourners shuffled inside, the staff provided by the church pulled the doors closed and we made our way to the front row.
Cabot sat in the back, third row from the end and off to the left side, and I didn’t turn back to look at him even though every cell of my body was aware of his gaze as it followed me to the front of the church.
I was aware of that heavy gaze for the entire service.
All three hours of it.
I’d known Professor Clements was beloved at Columbia University after spending almost his entire academic career there, but this turnout was something I would have never expected. People from all ages and all walks of life filled the pews. Countless people spoke of him. They laughed. They cried. They shared stories of him that changed their lives.
My mom reached around me and placed her hand on Greer’s shoulder. “He was so loved, honey,” she whispered.
Greer gave my mom a tight-lipped smile, eyes only slightly focused, then she faced the podium as yet another former student took to the stage and began to speak about Professor Clements.
When the funeral finally came to an end, the priest thanked everyone for coming and motioned to Greer that she should leave the pew first. With her hand in Lacey’s, she rose to her feet. My mother and I stood quickly to join her, then the four of us left the pew and made our way down the long aisle toward the doors at the back of the church. All eyes followed us as we passed each row, but only one set of dark and stormies mattered to me. As we reached the last row, I glanced up and caught Cabot’s gaze. My heart skipped a beat as he stood quickly and exited the row near the wall, slipping out before the crowd of mourners could overwhelm the aisle and exit. He joined us at the massive double doors and placed his hand on my lower back as we stepped outside.
My mother, Lacey, and Greer strode down the steps and I stopped at the top, watching them go before I turned to Cabot and looked up into those concerned eyes.
He cupped my chin, and the heat of his palm was a salve on my heart. I closed my eyes and leaned into that touch.
“Tell me what you want,” he whispered.
And it's yours,I finished for him in my mind.
I opened my eyes and said the only logical thing I could come up with. “You.”
Cabot’s shoulders rose and fell on a deep breath, then he gave a curt nod. “Is there a wake?”
I shook my head.
He motioned to a black car at the curb. “My car is here. Do you need to let Greer know you’re leaving?”
I nodded, and the two of us made our way down the steps, his hand never leaving my lower back. I focused on that connection, that tether to this man I loved, and drew strength from his presence.
My mother wouldn’t like me leaving with him. My best friend would approve even less. But as soon as he’d asked me what I wanted, the answer was clear:
Him. I wantedhim.
I’d tried so hard to force those feelings away. Tried to forget him, to forget us.