Page 72 of Point of Contention
My shoulders rocked back slightly from the statement. “What do you know about Lacey?”
She licked her lips, then shrugged. “Just that she was your sub.” She paused, watching me long enough to send a whisper of unease over my skin. “And that she had a hard time… recovering… after… well, after you.”
I sighed. This was a piece of my past I did not care to remember. It was also my biggest source of shame and something I’d worked very hard to never repeat again. Mina had touched on my past with Lacey in front of Rylan weeks ago, but I’d assumed Rylan hadn’t caught that slip-up.
Silly of me to hope for that when I knew firsthand how bright and observant she is.
I leaned back against the couch and blew out a breath of air. “There was someone before Lacey. An ex-girlfriend.” I stared at the ceiling, too afraid to look at Rylan while I exposed this deeply secret, deeply painful stain on my past. “I’d been curious about my needs, trying to explore without knowing what it was, without understandingwhyI wanted to be rough or what that meant.” I breathed deeply, then added quietly, “Why I wanted to inflict pain on someone I loved.”
She breathed deeply and the sound tightened a fist around my heart.
This could be the moment I lost her for good.
I closed my eyes and kept my face tilted toward the ceiling as I continued. “I tried to explain my needs to Layla, tried to put my thoughts into words, but I was young.” I glanced at her then, just a quick side-eye before I returned my gaze to the strip of theater lighting affixed to my living room ceiling. “Not much younger than you are now.” I took another deep breath. “She tried to understand, had heard of this kind of thing before.” I laughed bitterly. “But we didn’t have the internet like you’re used to. It was there, sure, and quickly becoming what it is today, but… where you grew up with social media and access to everything under the sun at your fingertips, we were limited to the dark web and chat rooms. Myspace was brand new.” I paused, thinking back to that simpler time. “As far as my needs, we didn’t understand them and what we knew of dominance was gleaned from snippets of information in chat rooms, maybe some scenes from a movie or someone’s dad’s old VHS tapes…” I paused again, searching for the right words that would make all of this okay in her eyes. “We didn’t have a fucking clue what we were doing. Or where to find guidance, support…”
Rylan had been deathly silent, save for the occasional inhale or audible swallow.
I wanted to look at her, wanted to assess her reaction to my story, but if I saw fear in her eyes, or even worse, disgust, I’d never finish.
And she had a right to know all parts of the man she loved—even the ones he’d rather hide.
She slipped her hand into mine and I closed my eyes, savoring the connection to her, the subtle reassurance she gave me with that simple gesture.
“We tried a few things,” I continued. “Simple things at first. Spanking. Blindfolds. Tying her to the bed.” I swallowed hard and hung my head, rubbing my hand over the back of my neck as it began to cramp from tilting it backward. “One night, I tried something new. I’d brought a thick rope of iron chain home from the hardware store.”I was so fucking stupid. So reckless.“It was too tight. I was too rough.” The word caught as emotion strangled my throat.
“She dislocated her shoulder.”
I sucked in a breath and squeezed my eyes shut, nodding.
“And broke her wrist.”
I winced. Hearing my crimes spill from her lips hurt more than I’d anticipated. When the agony in my chest eased, I opened my eyes and turned to meet her gaze.
She gave me a slight shrug. “The professor told me.” At the mention of his name, her face crumpled, as if she’d just remembered how our day began.
“I’m sorry,” I said, even though the phrase did nothing to alleviate grief. I knew from experience. For a long time after my mother’s death, I bit off the head of anyone who dared say they were sorry for my loss.
“It’s okay.” She shook her head, pushing her grief aside. “I’ll be fine. I should probably check in with Greer though.”
I nodded, but didn’t move.
“It was an accident, Cabot.” She squeezed my hand. “You didn’t mean to hurt her. Not like that.”
I clenched my jaw. Intent mattered little when the woman I’d cared for, who’d trusted me, ended up in the emergency room.
Rylan’s eyes narrowed and she moved closer to search my gaze. “You haven’t forgiven yourself.”
I pressed my lips into a fine line.
“Oh, Cabot.” She shook her head, then climbed into my lap, reminding me we were both naked.
I looked down between us and shetsked.
“Focus.”
I dragged my gaze back up to her face. “You make it hard.”
Rylan laughed and I shook my head. She didn’t even have to say the words out loud for me to hear them in my mind.‘That’s what he said.’Then she searched my eyes, her expression sobering. “I forgive you.”
