Page 3 of Casita Casanova
Thank God for best friends. Danielle’s been my rock when I couldn’t lean on Ari. Because Ishouldn’tlean on Ari. She’s not here to support me;I’mhere to supporther. But she’s done a great job of it anyway, keeping me strong throughout the entire separation and divorce, reminding me that I can’t curl up into a ball in the corner and justopt outof reality, because I am a mother first and foremost.
Danielle has graciously allowed me to go full-on fetal-position on her living room floor a few times, bless her heart. I wouldn’t have survived this without my two best girls by my side.
Ari has caught me crying a time or two, and we’ve talked about everything in depth—while still keeping most of thestrictly adultissues out of it because she doesn’t need to know about her father’s extracurriculars—but she’s never seen me fully fall to pieces. I reserve that for when I’m alone, or, occasionally, when I’m in the safety of my best friend’s presence.
But, breakdowns aside, I’ve tried to be as open as possible with Arabella about what happened between her parents, but even that is hard to explain. How do I tell my daughter that I just woke up one day and realized this was no longer the life I wanted for myself? How can I teach her not to settle for anything less than she deserves, when I have settled for so many long years?
How do I explain that I was willfully ignorant to her father’s affairs… without telling her that her father had affairs?
I barely understand everything that’s transpired in my life over the past year myself; I just know I have to givemea chance now.This is my time.Just myself as I am, not a mother or a wife, but a woman. With desires and needs and dreams of my own. I have to givehappinessa chance. Pure, unadulterated happiness. Twenty years with Eddie and we had a lot of things keeping us together, none of which were happiness.
History, sure.
Memories? We have plenty.
One-sided respect?Guess which side.
An insane love for our only daughter? Yes. The best of both of us, Arabella is so incredibly loved.
But definitely not happiness. No, Eddie and I haven’t been happy in years. And, the farther I detach from our marriage, the more I wonder if we were ever truly happy.
Or if I even know what that means.
Chapter Two
Ridge
I can walk the length of my downtown penthouse in the time it takes my head of public relations to finish chastising me for my latest indiscretion. She’s longwinded, but I’ve heard it all before.
Get your act together.
Stop discarding women.
Grow up.
“Ridge,” Beth snaps. “Are you listening?”
And my favorite of her diatribes:Women aren’t toys.
Well then, riddle me this: why do they always want to play?
“Cassius.”
My body goes rigid. Scowling at the use of my given name, I raise my middle finger behind me toward the cell phone sitting on the countertop of my granite island. “Yes, Beth, I’m listening,” I say sweetly. “And don’t call me that,” I snap as an afterthought. She knows better than to call me Cassius.
I turn my back to the phone and step over to the floor-to-ceiling windows that stretch from one end of my penthouse to the other.
She huffs into the phone. “It got your attention, didn’t it?” She pauses so long I almost forget she’s on the line, but then she sighs loudly and I roll my eyes.
“You have to start taking this seriously,” Beth continues.
“Take what seriously?”
She huffs.
On a scowl, I say, “I do take it seriously.”
“Your livelihood… or your nightly conquests?”
