Page 96 of Casita Casanova
No. I shake my head. It’s just a decoration, part of the arrangement.
I haven’t heard from Cas since he left before dawn six months ago.
As it always does, thinking about that beautiful man brings a wide smile to my face.
And then I can’t open the card quickly enough.
It’s handwritten, not printed on a small card like they usually are.
And I recognize the penmanship immediately; it matches the note he left on my coffee pot that morning.
My heart skips a beat as I start to read.
To my bird lady,
A laugh slips past my lips.
I don’t know how this letter will find you.
I hope it finds you well, and that I’m still in your good graces.
I’ve spent so much time worried that you might hate me.
If you searched my name once I left, the chances are, you do.
I swallow hard. I could never hate Cas. Which is exactly the reason I never searched the internet for him when he left. I still didn’t know much about him, but with a first name like Cassius, I knew I’d be able to find him. So I never told Ari or Danielle, keeping his name a secret for just me. A special part of him I could keep safe within my heart.
In protecting him, I was protecting myself.
During our brief time together, he’d given me enough insight into his life to know that if I did learn of his lifestyle back in New York, it might taint what we had.
And I’m too selfish to do that. Too selfish to risk losing what that week with him meant for me. What it did for me.
The thing is, you’d have every right to hate me.
Who I was before I met you… that guy was an asshole. He was a womanizer. A playboy.
He discarded women like he discarded trash.
He didn’t deserve to meet you. He certainly didn’t deserve to be loved by you.
Six months away, and I know that’s what it was between us.
It’s silly, I know, to fall in love in five days, but I know now that we did.
A sob slips past my lips and I press my hand over my mouth.
Before you, I’d only ever loved myself and my parents.
After you, it’s only you.
Everything I do is for you.
Every amends that I make. Every mistake from my past that I’ve tried to rectify.
Every business decision.
Every damn thing.
