Page 85 of The Brutal Arrangement

What warmed my soul was how seamless of a shift it was for me to accept that her comment was accurate for me. For me and Damon.

I did love him.

I loved how he made it his personal mission to make me come and pleasure me so thoroughly, only he could gift me the freedom of submission.

I loved how he stayed true to himself and owned up to his flaws and obstacles in trying to make us work.

And I loved how, deep down, past the darkness and tendency to violence, he was a softie, wanting to provide for me and manage my mother’s expenses and complicated health care.

I love him.

My smile widened, and I saw no reason to hide how happy I was as I left Sloane and rode the elevator back up to my home with Damon.

Ilovehim.

I was embracing this journey we were taking together. Regardless of our rocky and iffy start, our marriage was proving to be a blessing in disguise. Somewhere along the way, I’d lowered the walls around my heart for him to sneak in.

I loved my husband.

But I could only wonder how he’d react to that news if I were to tell him this soon. Damon was learning how to be in a real relationship with me. Talking about feelings made himvulnerable. I acknowledged that, but I really, truly hoped that telling him that I loved him would be taken as good news and not something that would scare him off after the progress we’d made so far.

32

DAMON

After a late night of an intense ordeal in the basement—handling a young recruit who thought he could be a defector—I was glad to come home to my wife.

Lucy never failed to be sweet and patient with me, somehow just knowing when I had a little too much dark energy in me that I needed to get out.

She hadn’t flinched when I tied her up and spanked her. She hadn’t protested when I choked her.

Nope.

She reveled in it, coming hard and so satisfied afterward.

As I slowly woke up this morning, still feeling the aches in my muscles from beating that punk last night, I experienced an instant spike of fear that she could be gone. That, like my dreams that disturbed me in the little sleep I’d gotten, that she was sick of how demented I was. That she couldn’t tolerate being married to a monster as cruel as me. I didn’t want my violent urges to ever reach her in a bad way, but she only gave me clues that she liked my being rough with her.

Opening my eyes fully, I saw that she was still here. Inches from me, she was curled in a slight fetal position, hugging herself in bed.

I exhaled a long breath of relief, overwhelmed with how much I’d taken her for granted in the beginning, so caught up in my convictions that she had to be a liar, that she couldn’t be trusted.

Seeing her with me gave me another reminder of how much I had to fight for now. I’d gone extra hard on that young asshole who thought he could let some Romanos into one of our warehouses. Fuckers like him threatened my family, and that included this sweet, innocent woman in my bed.

My wife.

Maybe someday, the mother of my children.

She pouted, not opening her eyes. “You know, it’s kinda creepy to watch someone sleep.”

I smiled, amused that she knew I was staring at her. Gently pulling her closer until she cooperated and unfurled herself to drape her naked body over mine, I relished the bliss of simply waking up with her.

“I will always watch you, Lucy.” I kissed the top of her head as she sighed and lay on me. “You’re too fucking gorgeous not to notice.”

Her cheek lifted in a smile. “Is that so?” She rubbed her fingertips over a tattoo of the grim reaper on my pec.

“It is so.”

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

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