Page 198 of Pucking Around

“Bye, Mr. Kinnunen!” they call.

“Later, Mars!”

He lets me pull him away, both of us moving towards the open doors that lead into the main practice arena. The rink is packed. Kids run drills while a few adults with whistles try to control the chaos.

“She’s not here,” Mars says before I even get the chance to look.

“You’re sure?”

“Do you see her?” he replies with a frown.

“Well, not yet, but—”

“Do you feel her?”

I blink up at him. “What—feelher? Like telekinesis or something?”

With a sigh, he grabs me by the shoulders and turns me to face him.

“Mars, what—”

“Close your eyes and breathe,” he mutters. “Do it.”

I close my eyes, but my breath sits like a rock in my chest.

“Stop overthinking all the time,” he soothes. “Stop thinking. Juststop…and breathe.” He exaggerates a big inhale letting it out.

I take a shallow breath, letting it out.

“Again.”

I take another deeper breath.

“Good. Now, open your eyes.”

I open them, looking up into his serious face.

“You know Rachel,” he mutters. “You love Rachel. She’s part of you, yes?”

I nod.

“Yes?” he presses.

“Yes,” I repeat.

“Then tell me if you feel her here. Don’t think. Don’t look. Just feel. Is she here?”

I keep my eyes on him as I take another breath, letting myself sink into a quieter headspace. I think of how I feel in those lazy moments on the couch and she’s in my arms, the way I feel when she enters the kitchen. I’m not a touchy person, but I try for her. I want her touches. I think of the way my body lights up where she looks at me. It’s pulled to her.

I huff a laugh, shaking my head. “Well, that’s a neat little magic trick.”

“Is she here?” he repeats.

I roll my eyes. “No, Mars. She’s not here.”

“Then we keep looking,” he says, turning on his heel. “The figure skaters are at the next rink anyway.”

Now he’s in the lead, moving down the hall to the smaller rink. This one doesn’t have the plexiglass up. The moment I step into the room, my gaze turns sharply left, drawn to her.

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