Page 214 of Pucking Around

Jake just shakes his head. “Nothing, sir. Sorry I got booted. Caleb being in the barn was messing with me. I thought I had it handled.”

“It’s understandable,” Andrews replies. “That kind of shit is hard to live with. Hard to carry. You’re both good guys,” he adds, nodding at Caleb too.

“Watch him close, Coach,” Jake says. “If Marchand is on the ice, no one is safe. Caleb isn’t the only player he’s sent to the hospital. He’s dangerous. He shouldn’t be starting. He shouldn’t even be in the League.”

“Well, that’s not our call, right?” Andrews says gently. “And plenty of guys get sent to the hospital. It’s the game. All we can do is play our best. Play smart. Protect each other. I know that’s what you were doing. You were just protecting Kinnunen, right?”

Slowly, Jake nods.

“Right, I gotta go back out there. Doc, you good here?” Andrews says.

“Yeah, I got it,” I murmur.

Andrews turns on his heel and walks out, leaving me alone with my guys.

“Cay,” I murmur, stepping over to him.

He goes stiff, flinching away from me. “Don’t.”

I drop my hands, tears in my eyes as I gaze up at his beautiful, tortured face. “Why didn’t you say anything?” I glance back over my shoulder at Jake.

He huffs a laugh. “And what were we gonna tell you, huh? That we’re both still messes over something that happened six fucking years ago? That I can’t fuckingbreathewhen I step on that ice and I know Marchand is on it? That I still have nightmares about that night? Is that what you want to hear, Rachel? You wanna hear how I failed him? How I couldn’t protect him? How I let him down and cost him everything?”

Caleb shakes his head. “Jake—”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Jake growls at him, tears brimming in his hazel eyes. “I was rightfuckingthere! He had to push past me to get to you! He shouldered me out of the way to make that hit—”

“You didn’t know what he was planning—”

“I was rightthere!” Jake shouts, a sob caught in his throat.

It tears me apart. I’m open and bleeding with them. I turn, ready to go to Jake, but Caleb beats me to it. He pushes off the wall, crossing the tiny room to stand in front of him. Lifting both hands, he cups Jake’s sweaty face. “It’s not your fault,” he murmurs.

Jake shakes his head, eyes shut tight, as one tear slips down his cheek.

Caleb wipes it away with his thumb. “You couldn’t have done anything. You weren’t close enough. And you didn’t know. The play was over. It’s not your fault, Jake.”

Jake sucks in a breath as he lifts his hands, wrapping them around Caleb’s wrists. “I’m sorry—”

“It’s time to let it go,” Caleb murmurs.

“I can’t,” Jake says on a moan. “I—oh god—can’t breathe—”

Caleb drops his hands to the pads of Jake’s shoulders, stepping in closer, their foreheads all but touching. “Hey—hey—look at me.”

Jake shakes his head, eyes shut tight.

“Look at me, Jake.”

Jake groans, opening his eyes to gaze down at Caleb.

“It’s not your fault,” says Caleb. “I forgive you, because it’s not your fault. There’s nothing to forgive.”

“Cay,” Jake whimpers, dropping his forehead down to touch Caleb’s.

“Forgive yourself, Jake. We have to move on.”

And then Jake crumbles, wrapping himself around Caleb, his sweaty, bleeding face buried at Caleb’s neck. “I watched the hit on Mars in slow fucking motion,” he whimpers into Caleb’s shoulder.

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